You know you don't want to settle anymore. You know it's time to start focusing on what you really want, and deserve, and to start making this about you and not about any him.
But even as you know all this, even as you know in your head so clearly what you need to do, the reality is your beautiful heart, the heart that knows how to give so much better than how to receive, doesn't even know where to begin. Or if it really even wants to begin.
So you stay.
Or you think about making changes, but you don't know where to begin, so you stay right where you are because if feels comfortable. Giving yourself away, even if it doesn't serve you and all that you are very well. At least it's what you're used to.
At least it's predictable. Even if it's unpredictable, at least it's predictably unpredictable.
But sometimes, you get a glimpse. Just a small one, but still some glimpse that there might be something more out there for you. Something better, something more on an equal level, something that might be a whole lot closer to what you know deep down in that beautiful heart of yours you really deserve. But then that fear comes again. That familiar fear that keeps you staying right where you are, settling for less than you know you deserve because, after all, the fear of the unknown always seems so much worse than the less than ideal reality of what you're living now. And besides, most of the time, you manage to convince yourself it really isn't that bad, it could be worse, and besides it's so much better than being alone.
Until the next time.
Until the next time that little voice within you rises again to remind you that there is more to life than this. That you deserve more than this. That you really can do this, that you really are that strong, that you deserve to stand up for yourself and refuse to play this role anymore. And you think about it. You know it's true. You know you deserve more. You know that somewhere deep inside that little girl inside you really knows her worth and what she's capable of. You know you really can rise up and speak the truth of what is without backing down, you know you have the potential to be whatever you want to be, to live a life that's more than you could even imagine, and to be loved like you've never known love before.
But how to begin? Where to begin?
Underneath the weight of the unknowns and what ifs and that fear of failure, of ending up worse than where you are right now, you settle back down into life as you know it.
Until now.
Because this is how real change begins. With simple words. Simple thoughts. Making them your own. Repeating them until one day, your mind will know them enough that they will become your own. Your heart will feel their deep meaning enough until it makes them your own. Until you understand in a familiar way because you've heard this before so many times within yourself, in that quiet place where your mind says it like it is to your heart, it's time. It's your turn.
You deserve so much more than this.
You don't need to settle like this. You do have worth. You don't have to prove your worthiness to receive love. It's not in everyone else except you; it's all there, in you!
You, my beautiful friend, really are a special gift to someone who is looking for exactly who you are and exactly what you have to offer and will embrace and love every part of you – even those parts that you can't believe anyone could ever love because you've been programmed to believe that to be true. But it's not! And one day soon, the more you hear this, the more you repeat it, the more you say it to yourself, the more you see it posted in writing on your mirror, the more you play it over and over again on your phone, the more you get so clear for yourself first, the easier it will be to make your move, to take your stance and stand up for that beautiful woman you are who deserves nothing less than a love full of everything you've dreamed of! With someone who first proves himself worthy to be even considered for the love you are offering in return and the privilege of being with you!
Not overnight, not without a journey, but soon, you will reach that turning point when this vision of who you really are and what you really deserve reaches that level of clarity within your heart and mind and soul, with this beginning, you will be strong enough to make that new start you know you're ready for!
Emily says
Thanks for posting this. I just got out of a relationship because I realized I was settling. He said the right things like "You are beautiful and I love you" which made me feel good. I came to find out that he was not always honest with his work situation so I put my foot down. We were on a different page and did not share the same life goals.
Jane says
Oh Emily, it's always better to find out the truth even though it can be hurtful, especially if we want it to be so much more than it is. But in the end, it is always one's actions that come through so much clearer than any beautiful words. At least you found out before you were any more invested in him.
Denise says
Yes I am taking my first step away from the bondage! I am looking forward to turning over a brand new page and a new me. I have learnt to apprciate me for who I am and know that I deserve much more.
Jane says
And you do! 🙂 It will come, Denise, in time, you will see a whole new beginning, a whole new life with hope and a renewed strength that only comes when we go through these things that hurt so much, but bring us to the other side where we finally learn about a real kind of love unlike anything we ever knew before!
Michelle Johnson says
Yes, you are right. I am seeing this and know this and working toward that goal!
Jane says
So glad to hear this resonated with you, Michelle. Know that you are not alone, and it is a goal that will be well worth the journey and the work as we find what we attract into our lives eventually changes with the growth we experience within ourselves. 🙂