We've all been there, asking ourselves and everyone who's still listening to us …Why is he doing this? Why is he behaving like that? Why is he treating me this way? What is he looking for? What does he want?
But what would happen if we could change this around to be about you instead of about him?
It would sound something like...Why am I putting up with him doing this? Why am I OK with him behaving like that? Why am I allowing him to treat me this way? What am I looking for? What do I really want?
Do you see the difference? When we switch the focus from him to us, it changes everything. We're no longer so focused on him that we forget to focus on us. We're no longer looking at every little thing he does to get a glimpse into what's really going on with him that we miss putting the time and energy and focus where it needs to be - on ourselves!
If we spend all of our time focused on another person, regardless of who they are or what they mean to us, we simply don't have enough time and energy to put the focus back on ourselves where it really matters! How can we figure out what we really need if we're so busy paying attention to what he needs? How can we begin to truly know where we're coming from, what we're all about, if we spend so much time analyzing everything about him? How can we possibly expect to attract something different into our lives if we are so busy figuring out what he finds attractive that we haven't even begun to explore why we find someone like him so attractive?
While we may sincerely want to know the why's of him, the reality is that it's all a distraction away from us. From doing the work on ourselves to figure out what's going on inside us. It's so much easier to focus on someone else than it is to put that same type of focus on ourselves. It's so much easier to look at what's wrong with him than at what we need to do differently ourselves. But if all we do is keep our focus on him, living our lives focusing on what it is this time yet another him is doing to us, we miss the whole point.
This isn't about him; it's about you!
And the only way to attract something different, to bring someone different into our lives, is to begin that journey to understand who we really are. So that understanding can lead to a confidence in all that we are and all that we have to offer someone who's truly worthy of receiving such a gift.
Beginning with shifting the focus back from him to you. Beautiful, radiant, confident, YOU!
Beautiful!!
Absolutely, he is not the man you need if you are doing all the work. How come he is even attracted to a woman who does all the work? Cause he can be, you are letting him do nothing by doing your and his part too!!!
Let him show himself to you and watch instead of doing. Then you will have your answer of whether or not he is the type of partner that adds value to your life.
Exactly, CBG. Thank you!
Completely true! I think women, since we are so caring naturally, tend to forget about our own needs and wants. Everytime I stop dating someone or start dating someone, I go over my list of must haves for a guy and make sure I am firm in what I need and want from a man. It is a good self-awareness exercise.
Great reminder, Sam, of a simple, yet effective way to remember to keep who you are and what you deserve to have in a relationship as the main focus of every relationship. Thank you! 🙂