Finding your YOU that leads to TWO
"I'm ready to do the work" she said. "I'm ready to fix this."
"I sabotaged it - I was so insecure and anxious. I did this. Now I only have myself to blame. Can you help me get him back?"
It wasn't her fault. And no, it didn't require any more "working on herself".
Because it wasn't hers to fix.
She hadn't sabotaged it. She was insecure and anxious BECAUSE he gave her reason to be. NOT because she was this way for no reason.
She didn't do this. She wasn't to blame.Continue Reading
The most tragic part of loving the wrong people for us - the ones who don't love us back or love us the way we love them - is that we take this wrong person and we stake our worth on them.
Until they love us, we're unlovable. Until they accept us, we're unacceptable.
We tie our worth to someone who has no special claim to determine our worthiness. In fact, we pick the very one who's incapable of loving anyone like us at all.
Can you see this?
It's never about a guy, never about winning someone's love. It is always about proving something about ourselves we feel we have to prove. That's a made up story someone put on us, not anything to do with real love.
Take this guy you're holding to this task that he's utterly incapable of and never signed up for in the first place. Let him be just an ordinary guy.
Give yourself back your worth, your lovability, your more than acceptable status. It was never about him, but always about what we needed him to be.
If you don't need him - or any man - to validate you like this, can you see how much easier this thing you've made "the great impossible search" becomes?
Seeing this? Type "yes" here in the comments below.
You break my heart, girl. Over and over again.
I see you. You're beautiful, you know. But I know you don't.
You say your thighs are too big, your body not sexy enough, your hair not full or thick enough or too thick or too curly or whatever you see that's not enough or too much.
You only see that you're too old or not pretty enough or you've got that medical/physical condition or that other thing someone labeled you with and then you labeled yourself with it and made it your life sentence.
Too fat, too ugly, too all wrong in all the wrong ways - I hear the awful words you use with yourself and they all add up to one thing - too unlovable. And then you've gone out of your way making sure you prove to yourself exactly that - unlovable.
You pick the meanest guy in sheep's clothing.
No, he's just misunderstood you say and oh that sad childhood he had or that awful luck he's always had. No, girl, he's got what ever has happened to him because he's exactly who he is!
My heart ached for the woman who sent me the email with this as her subject line.
The tragedy is when we take someone's rejection of us personally as a reflection of our very worth. Feeling like you're not good enough when really it's because you're with someone who triggers in you these feelings of not being good enough for him. But who could ever be when you're with someone who elicits this type of response in you? It has nothing to do with your worth or your being good enough. It has everything to do with him and his own choices and nothing, nothing to do with you.
What always comes through in letters like this is this beautiful heart of yours.
So giving, so understanding, so caring, so compassionate. You're so unlike anyone he's ever met. You allow him to be exactly who he is, to treat you however he does, to give you only what he can in the moment - even if it's nothing, and he's never come across anyone like this before. You give and you give and you give some more. Waiting to be acknowledged. Waiting for him to notice. Waiting for him to come a little closer to your side. Waiting for him to appreciate you. Waiting for him to give you what you know is in him, albeit buried deep down inside him.
You're prepared to love him through whatever he's going through. You hold the vision of what he could be so strongly in your mind, that it covers who he actually is and what he's showing you by his actions, by the way he treats you, by the way he actually is, not the way he used to be. In spite of everything he shows you about him right now, you have such a beautiful hope for what can be, such a beautiful heart for how you love him, and so you stay with him, you'll try everything and anything to help him.Continue Reading
I know. I had to read that again, too.
Beautiful Jerimie wrote to me about the guy she's having trouble letting go of and moving on from when she still believes he's the love of her life.
Good morning Jane,
This may be a bit long, even maybe a chapter book or short story 🙂 I'll try to keep it to the minimum...
I met Brett November 14, 2014. He has the most brilliant sky blue eyes you'd ever seen. However, what made me fall in love (first time ever) was his stupid half smile with his sideways glance. Omg! That did it for me.
We were just going to hook up for one night.
I had recently been fired from my job (also first time ever) and I just needed a little stress relieving sex. He stayed the night and I went to my "new" job after I left him a cup of coffee on the nightstand and told him to take his time and we'd text later.
I got home after work and to my surprise he pulled up behind me in my driveway. Jumped out and came and opened my door and leaned in for a welcome home kiss. I was shocked! I frantically started thinking..."Ok Jer, relax don't get your hopes up. Be cool! Just be cool!"Continue Reading
We say too much.
They pull back, they pull away.
We stop talking.
We've learned.
We don't say enough.
They call us boring.
We start saying more.
We've learned.
But what have we really learned except how to pay even closer attention than we already do, to what they say, what they don't say, how they respond, how they don't respond?
To the high self-esteemed among us, what they learn is something very different from what we learn.Continue Reading
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