Getting to TRUE Love

Finding your YOU that leads to TWO

  • Categories
    • Relationships
    • Dating
    • Finding Love
    • Single Life
    • Inspiration
  • Programs
  • Work With Me
  • Contact Me
  • About
You are here: Home / Archives for heart broken

Why No Contact NEVER works and what to do instead

12 Comments

Woman sad over breakup looking at mobile phone on the city bus wondering why he doesn't love her
The fastest way to get over a guy isn’t by going no contact

I know, I know.

It’s the exact opposite of what your girlfriends and everyone else tells you to do.

It’s the opposite of what every single email in your inbox says to do.

After coaching thousands of women of all ages and cultures from all over the world the past 10 years and seeing firsthand what works and what doesn’t, I stand by what I say.

The fastest way to get over a guy isn’t by going no contact.

No, that only keeps us overthinking, second-guessing, waiting, spending a ton of money on everything promised under the sun to get over him while we WAIT for some kind of miracle to happen to bring him back.

I mean, let’s be clear. We HATE no contact!

You know how many of us can actually do no contact the right way? Just about no one. If you’re the exception, that’s awesome. You can stop reading this now and move on.

But for the rest of us who can never seem to make no contact work, who keep going back to him – or at least back to thinking about him while beating ourselves up for failing at this again – more shame anyone?! – I’ve got something for you to do instead.

Stop working against yourself and start aligning with your own heart.

You CAN’T get over someone you’re having to play mind games to try to do it.

You WILL get over someone when your heart, your mind, your entire being processes how this guy treats you when you’re at your lowest point.

See, the reason why this unconventional path actually works for real, is because it’s the only way you can make this decision FOR YOURSELF. And that’s the whole point. If someone is telling you that you have to go no contact, if someone is shaming you for contacting him because you’re not supposed to, they’re the only ones who are getting over this guy, not you. You’re still wondering what he’s doing, if that last thing you were going to do might have worked, if surprising him at work might have been the only thing you needed to do, or if getting on that airplane to show up at his place might have been the one thing your relationship needed that it didn’t get.

You have to settle within yourself what going no contact will never ever settle for you.

Until then, you’re trauma bonded, attached to the shame that was put on you or just confusing him with someone else who was supposed to love you unconditionally and couldn’t.

Isn’t it time to stop listening to people who don’t understand you, who don’t get you, and only make you feel bad about yourself for being you?

Go ahead. You don’t need it, but for those of you who do, you’ve got my permission. Call him, text him, message him, drive by his house. Go get on that plane and go see him. Do whatever it is you need to do that will free you from all these regrets you’re going to have. Do the thing you’re beating yourself up already for not trying to do to get him back. I’ve got a line of women a mile long who will reassure you from their new happy relationships they got into only AFTER they stopped listening to all the advice that never resonated with them in the first place and did whatever the hell they wanted to do – you have NOTHING to lose!

How do they do this? They get over him. Fast. They stop pining for him because they don't have to wait to see more traces of the real him. They get this immediate feedback right away - they don't have to wait for it - that tells them he's an asshole. You know how much easier it is to get over an asshole than some guy who's living up to your fantasy imagination that's only in your head because you can't contact him to see how he treats you for real?

You've got this, girl. No one knows this better than you!

Love,

Jane

Now tell me in the comments below a quick 'yes' - that you're going to do whatever the hell you want to do with this guy you can't get over. It's more than time you stop listening to some bad advice that has never worked for you and start listening to your own heart that has always known better than someone selling snake oil who pretends to know better than you!

I keep getting dumped - every year

2 Comments

Silhouette of sad woman looking at sunset over water, shame concept
They always say the same thing...

Our letter this week is from Hope, who wrote to me about her pattern of getting dumped every year. She gets the same reasons every time and is beginning to wonder if she's just unlovable even though she's still so young. She doesn't feel that way.

Did you ever feel that way? This is so familiar to me, it was like looking in a mirror as I read her words. I hope you find my response to be helpful to you as well. Here's what she had to say.

Her Story:

I am 24. I know this is young, but almost every year since I was 17 I have been dumped for exactly the same reasons "the spark is gone", "just don't love you anymore", "just not feeling it anymore".

It's becoming embarrassing to tell my friends that I have been dumped yet again especially when so many of them have been in long term relationships.

I always ask them why and they always say the same thing "you haven't done anything", "you're amazing", "it's me, not you", "I promise you have done nothing".Continue Reading

How does he fall out of love so easily?

4 Comments

Woman sad over breakup looking at mobile phone on the city bus wondering why he doesn't love her
What I really want is closure

Have you ever wondered why this happens? You're not the only one. Read on to find out what I have to say about this!

Her email:

Hi Jane,

I am writing this to let out some steam as I don't have many friends and really have no one to talk to.

March 2020, in the first week of lockdown, I was suggested to use dating apps by my parent's to get to know more people and see if anything develops. As I am extremely introverted and like to spend majority of my time alone.

On the first week of using a dating app, I met him.

We added each other's contact information and had on and off short conversations into July when he had added my Instagram. I never initiated any of the conversations and gave short replies as I was still very skeptical of online dating and because of my shy nature, I didn't know how to start the conversations.Continue Reading

Your One Thing

20 Comments

A woman is looking up at question marks above her head.
What's yours?

I started a coaching session with a woman yesterday with the same question I've got for you.

Like most of us who've been here, she's got a guy she's hearing less and less from and is struggling to get over him once and for all.

I knew this was going to be a long session and I wanted to get to the heart of the matter to get her some relief right away, so I narrowed it down to one single question whose answer stood out as soon as she told me her story. I needed her to make this connection so she could see the significance of it, too.

What is the one skill you feel you're lacking? Or, put another way, what is the one thing you wish you could do that would make you feel so much better right now?Continue Reading

How do I stop loving him and move on?

21 Comments

Rear view pensive thoughtful woman sitting on sofa alone, lost in thoughts, upset female having psychological problem, heartbreak, thinking about being alone
I want to forget about him and move on with my life.

Our letter this week comes from beautiful Michelle who's heartbroken over a man who's seeing someone else. She knows he doesn't deserve her, but she's having a hard time letting him go. Sound familiar?

Her Story:

Hi Jane,

I'm hoping you can help me. I've been in a 5 year relationship with a man I'm in love with who so clearly doesn't love me.

We were seeing each other regularly until about a month ago when I found out he's been seeing someone else. I'm heartbroken. We haven't talked since then.Continue Reading

He took everything I had. How do I live?

19 Comments

Cute house on a hill in the countryside.
He took everything, my home, my savings, my future.

There are letters that I can't shake, that I want to reach through the Internet and wrap my arms around these precious souls that have given so much of themselves to someone so incapable of giving them anything back in return. Lis's was one of those and I share her letter here with you so she can feel the love and support of this community of women who've been through something like this, too.

Her story:

We were in a relationship for 9 months.

He knew my life intimately as we had always spoken openly. We were best friends, he was thoughtful considerate and kind and gradually over months I started to trust.Continue Reading

  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • …
  • 7
  • Next Page »

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR MAILING LIST AND I’LL SEND YOU THIS GIFT!

Make Him Adore You Send me the video!

Programs

About Jane Garapick

Hi, I'm Jane Garapick. I'm here to provide inspiration, support and empowerment on the journey to true love. I know what it’s like to have a broken heart, a broken dream, and a broken you. And I know for a fact, that your dreams can still come true! Read more...
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • RSS
  • Twitter
  • YouTube

Join Me On Facebook!

Getting to True Love

Popular Posts

If you've let him know that you expect the same level of commitment from him that you've given him, and he can't give you the commitment that you're looking for, then there’s only one thing for you to do. A clock is showing that it's time to move on.

Your Best Response When You're Not Getting the Commitment You Want

Green freeway sign with Commitment written on it.

7 Things I've Learned About Men Who Are Afraid Of Commitment

A beautiful woman is upset because of the way her boyfriend treats her as he watches TV.

Why He Treats You the Way He Does

Attractive young woman awaits a phone call. wondering why he hasn't called.

The Worst Thing You Can Do When He Hasn't Called

A beautiful woman is looking at her ex boyfriend with his new girlfriend, wondering why he wouldn't commit to her.

Why He'll Commit to Her, But Not to You

A beautiful woman is being hugged

Will He Ever Want a Committed Relationship? 3 Signs He Might

A beautiful woman looks at her phone wondering why he hasn't called.

The REAL Reason He Hasn’t Called

You're the one who really has tried everything to get him to come around and fully commit. You're the one who's given him more than enough time to come around and finally make the commitment . A beautiful woman is upset that her boyfriend won't give her the commitment she wants.

The Worst Thing You Can Do When He Won't Commit

Image of a man who looks like a player showing signs he's not into you.

14 Warning Signs That He’s Not That in to You

A man telling a woman he just wants to be friends. They are standing in a park on a path, out of focus, with the camera looking through branches.

He Just Wants To Be Friends

As Seen On…

Latest Tweets

Tweets by @JaneGarapick

Recent Comments

  • Heather on Why No Contact NEVER works and what to do instead
  • Emma Verhoog on The Difference Between Giving Up Too Soon and Giving Up Too Much
  • Jin on Three Things You Can Do When He’s Getting Emotionally Distant
  • stavkapro on Your Best Response When You're Not Getting the Commitment You Want
  • Turning Your YouTube Channel Into a Cash Flow. on The REAL Reason He Hasn’t Called
  • Snehal on My Boyfriend Fell Out of Love With Me

Calendar

May 2025
M T W T F S S
 1234
567891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
262728293031  
« Oct    

Copyright © 2025· Getting to True Love, LLC · All rights reserved · Privacy Policy · Refund Policy · Terms of Service

We use cookies to ensure you receive the best experience on our website. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are okay with our terms :)Got it!