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Your One Thing

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A woman is looking up at question marks above her head.
What's yours?

I started a coaching session with a woman yesterday with the same question I've got for you.

Like most of us who've been here, she's got a guy she's hearing less and less from and is struggling to get over him once and for all.

I knew this was going to be a long session and I wanted to get to the heart of the matter to get her some relief right away, so I narrowed it down to one single question whose answer stood out as soon as she told me her story. I needed her to make this connection so she could see the significance of it, too.

What is the one skill you feel you're lacking? Or, put another way, what is the one thing you wish you could do that would make you feel so much better right now?Continue Reading

Pick one

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Beautiful young woman with long hair lying on the grass
It's time to do things a little differently.

My message for you today is a short but important one, so listen up, because it has the potential to change everything that's wrong in your life!

For those of you who feel overwhelmed at the thought of doing anything different, let alone knowing what that one thing to do would be, think about this.

If you don't do anything different, if you don't go out of your usual zone, if you don't look for different people than you're used to finding, how can you NOT keep repeating your old patterns?Continue Reading

Prove it

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A beautiful woman walks down a path towards the light symbolizing trying to move on from a man who won't commit.
It's what you need to do so you can clear your path.

I've got a simple one for you today.

Prove it.

Prove it to yourself.

The one thing you're holding onto as your reason for not doing what it is you actually want to do. The one thing you don't believe you can be. The one thing you don't believe you can have.

Prove yourself right.

Because this is a theme that comes up time and time again in my emails and calls with you.

It's woven all throughout your stories.Continue Reading

One Question

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A beautiful woman is sitting at a table frustrated, questioning herself.
This is what you have to ask yourself.

I have one question for you today.

Do you have people in your life who actually see you? Who embrace you, who celebrate you? The real you - not the image you put out there because that's who you've been told you are, but the actual you?

Since you're here, I'm assuming you've only known relationships with men who were never the right ones for you, who had no place in your life.

I want to change that for you.

We need to create some semblance of what it feels like to be loved and accepted and adored for you. If you've never experienced anything like this before, we're going to start fresh as if today is the first day of the new you.

The you who loves to dance, who loves to move, who hears the music all around you and believes in a different world from the one you've been through.Continue Reading

Learning to say "No"

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A beautiful woman standing firmly with her arms crossed in front of her depicting that she is learning to say no
In your own voice, in your own way.

It's one of the most seemingly benign things that I teach my coaching clients early, but it's a consequential one.

Learning to say "no" in your own voice, in your own way.

Gently, but firmly.

The most important part is that it's in your own voice in a way that reflects your own personality, in a way that you feel comfortable owning it.

If it's only what someone else tells you to say, it won't have the same effect. You have to practice this until it comes naturally from you!

Don't explain, don't defend. Say it again clearly if you need to.

See, when you've been told your whole life you're not allowed to have boundaries, when you've been conditioned to make everyone else feel good regardless of how you feel, one of the hardest things you'll ever do is risk disappointing someone by saying the words they least want to hear - you saying "no".

But if you're going to find the right ones for you, you've got to make sure you can say no to the wrong ones first!

One small step in the right direction. Yes, it does start with something this simple.

And if you need help with this, just let me know.

Love,

Jane

How about you, Beautiful? Do you have a hard time saying "no"? Share your feelings, experiences and struggles with us below in the comments!

If you don't fix THIS first, nothing else gets fixed either

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Woman sitting by a lake feeling all alone in her relationship.
You can't will yourself to make this easier.

It's usually after you've tried everything else that you find your way here.

When everyone else has made you feel so much worse for not being able to figure this whole life/love/relationships thing out on your own, and you can now add shame to everything else you feel.

Did they think you didn't want to be able to figure this out on your own?

Of course you did! It's no wonder you have to build up the courage to finally try again.

Maybe this time will be different, but do this enough times and it makes perfect sense why you've resorted to humor or sarcasm or just about any other coping mechanism to hide your pain.

Don't play this game anymore.

This going back to the same people you couldn't count on before to try to get some love and grace, only to feel once more that there's something wrong with you that you can't do the scariest thing; something (anything) different.Continue Reading

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