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Are you still with that guy who doesn't treat you well?

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young attractive couple in relationship problem with internet mobile phone addiction boyfriend ignoring sad neglected and bored girlfriend at home couch feeling depressed and lonely
Why would anyone choose that?

I want to be so clear about this because most of you won’t even realize you’re doing exactly what my client on one of my calls today is doing.

It’s subconscious.

If you're choosing someone who doesn’t treat you well - a player etc., this isn't about getting a guy, this isn't about a guy at all. It's about one thing - you proving your worth.

And before you say no, that's not me that’s someone else but not me, I want you to realize this isn't something you're going to be able to see on your own because it's subconscious.

The proof is right here when you ask yourself why would anyone ever choose someone who doesn't treat them well, why would anyone ever choose someone who is seeing other women, who doesn't prioritize them, why would anyone want a guy who makes them feel more alone and worse about themselves?

Why would anyone choose that?Continue Reading

You're Not Your Story

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A beautiful woman looking down sadly, trying to let go and move on.
We've all been told a story about ourselves.

I took my own advice.

I poured my heartbreak into something that needed me; someone that needed me. A dog who was labeled with severe separation anxiety; rescued from a shelter that couldn’t keep her.

And then I noticed something so similar to what I notice with you.

You’re not your label. You’re not what you’re telling yourself you are. You’re not your story.

You’re not the self-fulfilling prophecy you’ve made your life because you were with all the wrong people and all the wrong environments that only reinforced this inherent belief system in you.

In psychology, we call this confirmation bias.

We’re given a label. We’re told a story about ourselves. And then once it’s been positively reinforced often enough, we go looking for evidence to confirm that same label, that same story, that same narrative that’s become our truth.Continue Reading

Why? Because he's the guy I chose.

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Cute little daughter and her handsome young dad in skirts are dancing and smiling while playing together in child's room
I can't imagine any of the men I dated before doing the same thing.

My husband got up at 4am to stand outside in a line outside my daughter's dance studio, to register her in a first-come first-served registration system (plenty we could say about that type of system, but for now, it is what it is). He let me sleep in and switch with him later.

He was the only dad there.

Why? Because he's the guy I chose.

Oh I chose a lot of men before him, but only because I didn't know myself well enough to know what I actually wanted, and would continue to want years down the road.

I can't imagine any of the men I dated previously doing the same thing, and that's precisely why none of them worked out.

After so much heartbreak chasing after all the wrong men for me, who of course seemed so right at the time (they always do!), I finally realized I wanted the family man. For real. Someone who puts his family first.Continue Reading

The Choice Is Yours

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A beautiful woman looks out over the ocean.
What if it could all be different?

The choice is always there.

To stay soft.

To stay open.

To stay hopeful.

Or to give up.

To harden our hearts. To give in to the pressure. To conform like the rest. To say the world is a cruel, harsh place. To say all the good ones are taken. To say we were born in the wrong time and place. To say there's no one left for us.

Our proof is right there in our past. In our patterns. In our history.

We can always find evidence to support what we choose to believe.Continue Reading

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