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My partner wants to rekindle friendship with his ex and I don't know what to do!

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Unhappy couple after fight not talking to each other
He was devastated when she left him.

Today's letter comes from one of the beautiful members in our community, Kate, who's at a loss to know what to do when her partner announced he wants to rekindle his friendship with his ex. I can imagine how most of us would feel about this; let's see if we can help Kate out here, too!

Her Story:

Dear Jane,

I’m struggling with the thought of my partner reconnecting with his ex.

When we met over ten years ago he was still upset for over two years occasionally about the way she cheated, ended their relationship and threw him out.Continue Reading

I found out he's married. Should I leave him?

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Couple not talking after a fight on the sofa in living room at home
He said he was single!

Tina wrote to me about a man she's in love with who also happens to be married. Whether you've ever found yourself in a similar situation or just have a response to this one, I'm sure you'll have something you want her to know.

Her Email:

Hi Jane,

I'm been in love with a married man for over a year now. I found out that he is married but he said he was single.  We have said "I love you" to each other. I'm not sure what to do.  I'm not sure if he really loves his wife or not.  Should I leave him?

TinaContinue Reading

He Cheated on Me, Now He Says I Need to Let the Past Go and Trust Him

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The word trust spelled out in letter cubes.
He says I have trust issues or insecurities.

Holly's writing in today for some advice on what she should do about a guy she can't trust. He keeps trying to tell her it's her insecurities and inability to trust him that are the problem, not anything about his own behavior.

I don't think she's alone in this scenario and I have a feeling you're going to have a lot to say to her, as I did here.

Her story:

Hi Jane,

So my boyfriend and I have dated for over 2 1/2 years in total. It’s been an interesting relationship to say the least. He is a mechanic and used to work for my dad so I knew him since I was like 15 years old. He is 8 years old than I am.Continue Reading

My Boyfriend is Flirting with Other Women on Twitter

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young attractive couple in relationship problem with internet mobile phone addiction boyfriend ignoring sad neglected and bored girlfriend at home couch feeling depressed and lonely
He flirts more with other women than me.

This week's letter comes from beautiful Maggie, who's confused about her relationship with a guy who's spending too much time paying attention to other women on social media, and not much on her.

Here's what she wrote:

I met a guy on Tinder in Lockdown.

We started talking on the phone for a month and getting to know each other. We couldn't go on a date coz everything was closed so I went to his apartment the first time we met and spent the weekend there.

It seemed like I knew him for months.

He asked me to be his GF and cooked for me. I said yes and we started dating.

We continued love bombing each other and everything went well until.... I found out that he was flirting with girls on his Twitter but he kept saying that it's not flirting to him because it's public so I can see it and they are just tweets.Continue Reading

If There's ONE Thing I've Learned Through Everything I've Been Through, It's This....

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A beautiful woman looks out over the beach, wondering why her boyfriend suddenly disappeared.
Sometimes it needs to get bad enough for us to see something needs to change.

It has to get worse before it gets better. I've always felt this, about everything.

We don't do anything different - until we're forced to. We don't change anything that needs to be changed - unless we have to change, even if it's just to maintain the status quo. We can't even see that anything needs to change until we're forced to see what it was so much easier NOT to see.

Until we can't pretend anymore. Until we can't just look away and pretend we don't see it.

I'm reminded of the time my best friend bought a plane ticket she couldn't afford, left her young kids with her husband, to fly clear across the country to try to convince me to see what she could see that I couldn't at the time.

She begged me to leave him, to come back with her, to see what I wasn't seeing, to believe her when she was telling me I was losing myself in him and settling for crumbs. It was breaking her heart to see me this way, and yet still, it didn't move me.

I told her she didn't know what she was talking about. That I was only telling her the awful things when it was bad but most of the rest of the time it was good, that she just wasn't hearing from me then.

She left without convincing me.

Continue Reading

How Do I Recover from a Narcissist (and Make Sure I Never Fall for One Again)?

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sad woman walking on the city street at sunset

Our letter this week comes from Andrea, who's recovering from her marriage to a narcissist. She wrote to me wanting to know more about these men, and how she can keep from finding herself in a relationship with one again.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

Could you write some information on narcissists?

I realized when I was 42 years old that my father is a text book case narcissist. I grew up in a crazy household due to his narcissism and watched my parents have a toxic marriage.

They are still married. (Don’t  ask me why except that my mom has been so beaten down and destroyed emotionally by him for so many years that, at the age of 70, she stays.) She truly is a prisoner living with him.

His narcissism has gotten worse as he has aged too. I learned in my college years to handle him by distancing myself from him because he is so toxic.Continue Reading

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