Getting to TRUE Love

Finding your YOU that leads to TWO

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Sure you still want him?

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Man is cheating on his girlfriend texting the other woman while she sleeps in bed next to him.
This is when the real work kicks in.

Oh girl, believe me I've tried. You're not the exception and you're not going to save him.

The conversation always goes something like this.

"I get him like his ex never got him. He tells me he's never felt like this before. So how can you say I won't be the exception? How can you say I can't save him? I'm not like anyone else he's been with. Isn't that worth something?"

So let's say you are.

Let's say you really are the exception you believe you're going to be. So what then? You think that's going to be the end of it? That you get him, he commits to you, and you somehow have your happily ever after with this guy?

No, that's not the way this works. You're not home free - or free anything! - if you somehow eek a commitment out of him.

That's when the real work kicks in.

Now you have to keep him. Now you have to keep up the herculean effort it took to get him this far. The being perfect, the biting your tongue, the holding back, the keeping yourself in check, the pleasing, the performing.Continue Reading

Am I overreacting?

4 Comments

Beautiful-woman-snow-contemplative
I'm not sure if I'm over-reacting but I do feel hurt.

Our letter today comes from Angie, who's wondering if she's overreacting to hearing her newly widowed boyfriend isn't ready to include her in his family holiday plans. Here's what she wrote to me:

Her Story:

Hi Jane,

I'm a 48 year old woman dating a 50 year old widow (his wife passed 2 years ago).  I have been dating him for 7 months.

I have only met his teen kids once (despite him being at my house a lot with my teen kids). He mentioned Christmas and that he won't see me as he will go to his parents house with his kids for both Christmas Eve/Christmas Day (which I am ok with).

He also said I won't see him on his birthday, December 28th as it's his birthday and he will spend it with his kids.  He will visit me early evening and stay over.

I'm not sure if I'm over-reacting but I do feel hurt about his birthday - it feels as though he just wants to keep me away from his kids - but then turns up to spend the evening with me.  He is kind and loving to me and always call/texts etc.

Signed,

- AngieContinue Reading

Are you still attracting the bad boys? Here's why and how to stop.

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Happy young man and woman in a car enjoying a road trip on a summer day. Couple out on a drive in a open car.
We're attracted to someone who's at ease with what we find difficult.

One of the things I absolutely love about my husband is how he handles surface social settings with such ease. While I'm thinking about what I want to say vs. what I should say or figuring out what's expected of me (because that early PK programming is always right there in my head!), he just shows up normal.

And you know why? Because I was attracted to someone who had ease in an area that I struggled with.

What's just normal and natural to him, is a struggle - or at least a second thought - for me!

My point for you? We're always attracted to someone who can do something we struggle with or don't believe we can do. That thing you're waiting for permission to do? As long as you believe you need permission - or don't give it to yourself, the more you're going to find someone who never looks for permission - or needs it - attractive.

See where I'm going with this?

Whether it's the bad boy, the guy who treats you bad BECAUSE HE CAN, the emotionally unavailable guy who doesn't care if he ever digs deeper because you do all the digging - and understanding - for him, this is why you can't stop being involved with this type of man.

Want to change it? Start here. Start today.Continue Reading

Are you still with that guy who doesn't treat you well?

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young attractive couple in relationship problem with internet mobile phone addiction boyfriend ignoring sad neglected and bored girlfriend at home couch feeling depressed and lonely
Why would anyone choose that?

I want to be so clear about this because most of you won’t even realize you’re doing exactly what my client on one of my calls today is doing.

It’s subconscious.

If you're choosing someone who doesn’t treat you well - a player etc., this isn't about getting a guy, this isn't about a guy at all. It's about one thing - you proving your worth.

And before you say no, that's not me that’s someone else but not me, I want you to realize this isn't something you're going to be able to see on your own because it's subconscious.

The proof is right here when you ask yourself why would anyone ever choose someone who doesn't treat them well, why would anyone ever choose someone who is seeing other women, who doesn't prioritize them, why would anyone want a guy who makes them feel more alone and worse about themselves?

Why would anyone choose that?Continue Reading

He says he just wants to be friends

11 Comments

A man and a woman are having a serious discussion over dinner because she wants to know how he feels about her.
I just don’t know what to do.

It's never good when the guy we're into says he just wants to be friends.

Those are the words Lee didn't want to hear either. See if this sounds all too familiar to you and then tell me your own story of "the guy who says he just wants to be friends" in the comments. You're not alone!

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

I started seeing this guy back in the summer and everything seemed to be going great. Lots of fun and enjoyment.

In August, he asked me to be exclusive and I agreed. So as time went by I noticed he was being a bit different and I was wondering why. When I asked him about us and our future he basically told me we are nothing serious but casual so I was left a bit confused by this.

Anyway, we both met on a dating app and I recently went to check was he back on it and I noticed he was.Continue Reading

Doing this ONE thing is going to make it EASIER on you!

7 Comments

A beautiful woman holds her hair up while looking at the ocean.
Can you see this?

The most tragic part of loving the wrong people for us - the ones who don't love us back or love us the way we love them - is that we take this wrong person and we stake our worth on them.

Until they love us, we're unlovable. Until they accept us, we're unacceptable.

We tie our worth to someone who has no special claim to determine our worthiness. In fact, we pick the very one who's incapable of loving anyone like us at all.

Can you see this?

It's never about a guy, never about winning someone's love. It is always about proving something about ourselves we feel we have to prove. That's a made up story someone put on us, not anything to do with real love.

Take this guy you're holding to this task that he's utterly incapable of and never signed up for in the first place. Let him be just an ordinary guy.

Give yourself back your worth, your lovability, your more than acceptable status. It was never about him, but always about what we needed him to be.

If you don't need him - or any man - to validate you like this, can you see how much easier this thing you've made "the great impossible search" becomes?

Seeing this? Type "yes" here in the comments below.

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