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How she went from heartbroken & hopeless to happily married in one year

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Happy just married young couple, wedding.
We were just married in Jamaica!

It all began when Becca responded to my call to claim the year as HER year to find the love she’d been searching for her whole life. In response to an email I sent out to my subscriber list, she responded with this.

Jane, I'm doing this. This is my year to find the love I've been wanting my whole life!"

I made a commitment to not go after the man that abandoned me and my children three times this last year and a half - I am worth more than how I have been treated- my children deserve a good man in their lives that values them as his own. No more will I beg or chase a man. I will allow only good in my life and my children's lives. 

- Becca

 I responded back to her with this email:

Awesome, Rebecca! I'm so glad you're here.

There is nothing like these words, spoken with conviction, to put this into motion, to claim your right to have exactly the kind of love you were made for!Continue Reading

Do this one thing for me ...

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A beautiful woman is sitting in a field thinking about love.
Just give it a try.

Are you doing it again?

Waiting?

Waiting for someone to change?

Waiting for someone to find you?

Waiting for someone to make it all better?

It's okay. There's no shame in admitting if you're here. I've been here. Most of the women I coach have been here before. It's my own default place.

You don't even realize you're doing it.Continue Reading

And his name was ...

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A woman and man are walking holding hands after their wedding.

At first I thought it was just a coincidence. Except that I've never believed in coincidences.

A woman I'd been coaching for a while who had all but given up hope of ever meeting one of the good guys I kept telling her to believe in, met someone.

His name was Nick.

He was different from all the rest. He was the opposite of her ex and the men she'd dated before.

I had a feeling about this one. And I was right. When he asked her to marry him a year later, she said yes.

That was the first Nick.

Then there was another woman who came to me out of the blue (but never out of the blue!) doing a Google search for "getting over emotionally unavailable men."

Same story. Out of love. Out of hope. Scared to trust or believe in anything being different again.Continue Reading

Sure you still want him?

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Man is cheating on his girlfriend texting the other woman while she sleeps in bed next to him.
This is when the real work kicks in.

Oh girl, believe me I've tried. You're not the exception and you're not going to save him.

The conversation always goes something like this.

"I get him like his ex never got him. He tells me he's never felt like this before. So how can you say I won't be the exception? How can you say I can't save him? I'm not like anyone else he's been with. Isn't that worth something?"

So let's say you are.

Let's say you really are the exception you believe you're going to be. So what then? You think that's going to be the end of it? That you get him, he commits to you, and you somehow have your happily ever after with this guy?

No, that's not the way this works. You're not home free - or free anything! - if you somehow eek a commitment out of him.

That's when the real work kicks in.

Now you have to keep him. Now you have to keep up the herculean effort it took to get him this far. The being perfect, the biting your tongue, the holding back, the keeping yourself in check, the pleasing, the performing.Continue Reading

Am I overreacting?

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Beautiful-woman-snow-contemplative
I'm not sure if I'm over-reacting but I do feel hurt.

Our letter today comes from Angie, who's wondering if she's overreacting to hearing her newly widowed boyfriend isn't ready to include her in his family holiday plans. Here's what she wrote to me:

Her Story:

Hi Jane,

I'm a 48 year old woman dating a 50 year old widow (his wife passed 2 years ago).  I have been dating him for 7 months.

I have only met his teen kids once (despite him being at my house a lot with my teen kids). He mentioned Christmas and that he won't see me as he will go to his parents house with his kids for both Christmas Eve/Christmas Day (which I am ok with).

He also said I won't see him on his birthday, December 28th as it's his birthday and he will spend it with his kids.  He will visit me early evening and stay over.

I'm not sure if I'm over-reacting but I do feel hurt about his birthday - it feels as though he just wants to keep me away from his kids - but then turns up to spend the evening with me.  He is kind and loving to me and always call/texts etc.

Signed,

- AngieContinue Reading

Are you still attracting the bad boys? Here's why and how to stop.

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Happy young man and woman in a car enjoying a road trip on a summer day. Couple out on a drive in a open car.
We're attracted to someone who's at ease with what we find difficult.

One of the things I absolutely love about my husband is how he handles surface social settings with such ease. While I'm thinking about what I want to say vs. what I should say or figuring out what's expected of me (because that early PK programming is always right there in my head!), he just shows up normal.

And you know why? Because I was attracted to someone who had ease in an area that I struggled with.

What's just normal and natural to him, is a struggle - or at least a second thought - for me!

My point for you? We're always attracted to someone who can do something we struggle with or don't believe we can do. That thing you're waiting for permission to do? As long as you believe you need permission - or don't give it to yourself, the more you're going to find someone who never looks for permission - or needs it - attractive.

See where I'm going with this?

Whether it's the bad boy, the guy who treats you bad BECAUSE HE CAN, the emotionally unavailable guy who doesn't care if he ever digs deeper because you do all the digging - and understanding - for him, this is why you can't stop being involved with this type of man.

Want to change it? Start here. Start today.Continue Reading

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