You break my heart, girl. Over and over again.
I see you. You're beautiful, you know. But I know you don't.
You say your thighs are too big, your body not sexy enough, your hair not full or thick enough or too thick or too curly or whatever you see that's not enough or too much.
You only see that you're too old or not pretty enough or you've got that medical/physical condition or that other thing someone labeled you with and then you labeled yourself with it and made it your life sentence.
Too fat, too ugly, too all wrong in all the wrong ways - I hear the awful words you use with yourself and they all add up to one thing - too unlovable. And then you've gone out of your way making sure you prove to yourself exactly that - unlovable.
You pick the meanest guy in sheep's clothing.
No, he's just misunderstood you say and oh that sad childhood he had or that awful luck he's always had. No, girl, he's got what ever has happened to him because he's exactly who he is!
Other people see him, other people recognize exactly who he is and respond accordingly to what they see - and they believe what they see! You see and say no, I don't see, no, I don't know, no, I can't trust what I can see and feel and hear with my own two eyes, my own two ears, my own sensitive heart.
And then we go on a campaign to convince ourselves we know best, that no one understands or could possibly see our situation clear because they're not attached and have the ability to still detach unlike us.
And so we stay, we justify, we settle for all the wrong things.
Instead of accepting the guy who's a little less than the perfect ideal we've pictured ourselves with, we compromise on how he treats us. We pick the guy who keeps reminding us we're too much or not enough - too unlovable - and we resign ourselves to the belief that we'll never get someone better than him.
You break my heart, girl.
Over and over and over again.
Love,
Jane
Too familiar? Tell me in the comments below!
I started to cry before I even finished the first couple sentences. I'm 60 and actually married 2x - the person who reinforced that I was not enough to get happiness in a relationship. After 7 years of being in a relationship with a decent man who was imperfect but loved me with all my warts - I broke it off. I am struggling again.
My heart goes out to you, Laura. You're not alone!
This hit deep in the feels….because it’s so true!
Hearing you, Cheri. So glad you're here!
Hi Jane, you always say exactly how I feel. I have such low self esteem. How did I get it Well growing up in school the kids girls and boys always made fun of me, how I looked I was always told how ugly I was. At school kids would pick on me and bully me. Beat me up steal my purse, push me down, kick me hit me This was in junior high and a little bit in high school. So my school years were filled with being told I was ugly, worthless, stupid and that's how I grew up. And to this day and I'm in my late fifties now that's how I feel ugly, worthless, stupid. I've never gotten married. I has been relationships with men that are totally not good for me. That I mean to me that don't treat me good I stay with them because I'm ugly who would want me? that's how I feel. What regular nice man would want someone ugly as I am and worthless as I am. So I go out with guys who don't treat me very well. I give them a lot of sex just to keep them around. My latest boyfriend was seeing another woman and also seeing me. But she got the dinners, the going to concerts, the fun things all I got was going to a cheap bar and having sex with him. He lied to me he cheated on me I was always his second choice I guess in my feelings it was better than being alone because obviously I'm not good enough to have anybody I'm not pretty enough. So that's my story that's my life.
All lies you've been told by people incapable of seeing you, Kelly, let alone ever loving you. Let them all go! Throw them off of you! They don't get anything that was ever going to be yours!
That is how i feel.
Sending you so much love, Lizzie!
Jane thank you 💞
This is the most deeply reaching email you have ever written to me. You have seen right into my heart. I need to print this in stick into my journal.
You really are such a beautiful lady looking so lovingly after so many torn and broken people. Thank you Lovely x
Love your beautiful heart, Angie! So glad you felt mine!