If you're ready to give up, I'll give up with you.
I'll stand beside you, I'll be right there with you. You won't be alone. We'll do this together.
You don't have to try so hard anymore. You don't have to keep the struggle alive.
The fact that it's so much of a struggle at all is telling you something.
Let go. Let it all go.
Turn it over to God or the Universe or some higher power that's always partnering WITH you for what's best FOR you.
Stop trying so hard. Start over.
A roof over your head. Food & water. Heat and cooling. It's Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. You start with the basics. Physical/physiological needs.
Safety. Security. Within yourself. From you, not anyone else. You can't have the rest without making sure you have those.
Now you're ready to make a plan to get all your other needs met. You're here, now. Stay with me.
What do you want to do with the rest of your life, starting today? What's working? What's not? What do you need to change? What do want to be different from how it's always been?
How do you do that? How do you make that change happening starting here with what you have in front of you right now? What do you need to bring in to change this?
What is the bridge to get you from here - where you don't want to be - to where you DO want to be? What do you do with the obstacles in your way - physical, emotional, psychological, mental?
And what do you do with the fear, the reality of what's missing, and the feeling that nothing's going to be different, nothing's going to change, no matter what you do?
How do you THIS TIME do what you've never been able to do before?
I'm here for you.
If this feels impossible, just say so right here in the comments. I want you to see you're not alone and yet still we come here and keep coming back here to figure this out because there's something in us that keeps us going. Let's figure this out together.
Love,
Jane
I was single, not dating anyone for 10 years, then I met a guy around around end of 2020. I wasn't my type, but I think we had the chemistry so we started dating, and got really close, we committed to be exclusive. It was a bit to fast for me (compared to my prev relationships) but I guess I got carried away.
We were so much in love but then he started to pull away around the 4th month of the relationship, he went hot and cold. Everything started to be confusing for me. I asked for a break two months ago, he refused, said he wanted me to stay. So, I stayed.
Fast forward two months, nothing really changed, so I broke up with him last week. I'm now feeling miserable. I can't take my mind off him. It seems like I forget how to be happy by myself, while I was okay for 10 years living a single life. He came to my life, stayed for 8 months, and ruined everything. How can I be happy again? I'm so broken hearted and shattered. What should I do, Jane?
Thank you!! And no I’m not alone God the father of the this universe has me 100% ! And the individual(s) like yourself help to encourage me and guide me through the Hell I was placed into! For almost a year I have been beating myself over and over asking the same questions again and again! What did I do so wrong that my family doesn’t think I deserve the same unconditional love I gave them?!?! I couldn’t find what I did so wrong because there wasn’t anything there to find. So I lay it at the foot of the cross God has that He has all of it ! Cause I do deserve to be happy and live life to the fullest. Not everyone gets a second chance like I was giving ♥️
Exactly, Dawn. And there was never going to be anything to find! Much love to you - glad you're figuring this out.❤
I sent mine packing after living together for 3 years. He’s emotionally unavailable, immature in his thinking process & objectifies me, takes me for granted, & doesn’t understand a word I’m saying because of his limited vocabulary. He’s stuck in the past & constantly carries the burden of his ex wife cheating (thinks somehow he’s to blame). I love this man…he’s so different from the rest. He loves me the only way he knows how yet we can’t even go to counseling because a) he wouldn’t understand a word of it & b) because he becomes extremely defensive when I express my feelings. He’s been gone 3 months (he’s back in his home in NY, I stayed back in my home in FL). He’s got numerous medical issues now & I’m help g him navigate the system (he doesn’t use a computer). I feel like his mother, his nurse, & his secretary… not his wife. I feel sorry for him, he despises himself ☹️ I’ve been trying to help him grow but he just wants to stay behind and not learn anything new. This is my last relationship I’m 62 & have had 4 relationships in 12 years! I’m done
Sounds like you reached your breaking point, Marguerite, which is a good thing for everyone despite the initial messiness of extricating ourselves from such deep emotional entanglements. Sending so much love to you!
This all feels very very very impossible!!
Pick one, just one. Overwhelm is such a familiar response for me as well, Patti. Our minds scan it all, recognize that familiar feeling and give up again before we even give ourselves a chance. I'm with you on this one!
Giving it all up should be easy, and yet it's been so hard for me. Every time I decide to just let go and let life, it lasts for like a second before I start stressing out over what I should do with my life and feeling all sorts of fears and desperation about not knowing what I really want my life to be like or what to do to get somewhere. It's exhausting. How do I attract something different? I think I've done a good job of staying away from people who are not good matches for me in friendships and otherwise, but I feel sad that not a different kind of person or people have walked into my life besides my few friends. I'm so confused and feel somewhat powerless to make anything happen. I don't even feel like trying so hard anymore is worth it. I'm so tired.
Stop trying then, Angel. The perspective you gain from doing something altogether different is something you can't and won't be able to comprehend the how it's going to happen yet. You have to go there first, be there, experience it. I don't know what your particular "it" is but it's clearly going to be different from everything you're currently doing. Play around with the different lives you might have had to see if anything breathes some new life into you. You're not living up to anyone else's expectations of you; you're living for once for you!
Hi
Totally exhausted, heart broken because I didn't believe that I deserve the Love I had and without out future. Tired of living In this city and In this country and tired of my job.
Ellen, can you shake up something? Anything of all that feels wrong in your world? And what if you did deserve it but it wasn't the right time or place or stop for you?
I have planned some new things but Iam really tired. Iam updating my cv to apply a job abroad. I just feel anxiety and sadness about the relationship that went down.
What do you mean? I have wanted a relationship for a long time. i don't want to settle for stg that I don't feel good about. I became needy, nagging etc, when the right thing to do would have been to be more patient and trust him
Very much so ready to give up! The harder I try the harder work at something/ anything the worse it seems to get. But how when I really putting in all I got?
Maybe pick an easier thing to put your time and effort into that doesn't require so much of that life zapping "all I've got" energy from you? Like, Megan, maybe it's not the effort but the thing you're putting it all into?
I am in such a period of confusion and restlessness. After leaving my 20yr marriage I have found myself in a painful relationship with an unavailable partner that on some days brings me to such anxiety I am having panic attacks.
I am smoking and drinking again after 20 years... as he does. I feel so disconnected from who I was. So uncertain of myself.
But worst of all, I seem to be unable to break the habit of him and I actually believe myself to be in love.
Nothing good is coming of this situation, and yet, if I see his number appear on my phone or we are meeting up I feel truely happy.
Let me guess - were you codependent in your marriage? Sounds like you swapped issues between your ex and the new guy. I'm so curious to know who you are without a man,JK. Any chance there's a part of you that might want to find that out too?