See? You say. See?
That's why I can't find any good ones.
The woman in us who's been hurt a bazillion times feels vindicated.
See! It's just the way it is now.
But is it?
Look closer. No, not where you've always been looking, but somewhere different. Somewhere new.
Maybe that dominates, that being the current popular opinion that the new dating reality makes the act of swiping or putting a few syllables into a phone the most effort men have to make these days, but is that really the whole story?
Or is there more?
No, this isn't just the way it is for you! This is someone else's story. Stop making it your own. It's not!
Why?
Because you're not looking for the guy who's asleep, who can't commit, who's always looking for the next best thing, who thinks stepping up is sending a text, who gets bored because he's not looking to go deeper than the next surface shiny thing!
It doesn't matter if there's so many of those out there because if there's not any part of that you actually want, you won't keep finding him!
This isn't the state WE'RE in unless it's still the state YOU'RE in.
Men wake up, men get tired of the same thing. Men want something deeper. And that's the only guy you want.
And yes, contrary to that same popular opinion that thrives on giving you the least amount of hope it possibly can to make you feel it's futile to even try, there's lots of him waking up because the disposable/throw-away culture we live in becomes devoid of life for him, too!
Got it? Good.
Now let's stop buying into a culture that tells us the way it is and start making it the way we want it to be instead.
You've got this. Yes, you do! Haven't you always known more than you give yourself credit for? Exactly!
Love,
Jane
Need something more from me here to help make this clearer to you? Send me an email or post in the comments. I'm here for you!
Hi. I've been dealing with a guy alot younger than me off and on for little over a year. He left me after 6 months to go back to his daughters mother. She found out about us and they broke up again, this was summer time. I've been with him since, almost everyday. He's made it seem as if he really wants to be with me. We are together all the time and he tells me he doesn't want to lose me. Yesterday, I went through his phone and found text messages on Facebook to multiple girls asking them for sex, including a picture of his ex with her boobs out. I confronted him and he said he was just "f**cking around", its nothing serious and he only loves and wants to be with me. I told him to leave my house. He tried calling me the whole day, but I ignored his calls/texts. He has not called me all day today. I am hurt. I know anyone reading this would say screw him, move on, this guy isnt the one, but i care for him a great deal, its not that easy to just let go. I hope you respond. Thanks.
Then you're nothing serious to him either, Ashley. Any guy who excuses his behavior when he's caught with a "it's nothing serious", is gaslighting you. It's serious enough for him to do. And no, I'm not going to tell you to screw him or move on when you're not ready, but I will tell you to find out why you can't be ready when someone shows you so clearly who else he is besides that guy you want him to be. We don't move on by telling ourselves what we "should" do; we move on by asking ourselves what beliefs about love and relationships and ourselves are blocking us from doing the same self-respecting thing we'd tell anyone else to do.
Jane I was in a loving great relationship for 18 yrs he would always be with me doing all together if apart he would call I love you can't wait to be with you miss you I made his life complete and whole loved me more than life itself. All was perfect that nite he left all that day he called texted me how much he loved me was cooking dinner for us and couldn't wait to make love. I come home and he said your mother called talking all crap I can't do this anymore mind you I was 55 he was 67 my mother was always jealous of our relationship and the love we had. It has been 1 yr since and love him and know he is not with any other woman how why can he just believe her walk away after 18 loving great yrs together? Lost what do I do
Because he chose to, Denise. That's the only reason that matters. And not because of you. Not because of your mom. Because of him. If you couldn't talk to him about this, if there was nothing the two of you could come to that would allow you to move forward, who was he? Who just walks away saying he can't do this anymore without giving you a say? Maybe you'd had these conversations before. Maybe everything had already been said. But he shut the door because he chose to shut that door. He did what he wanted to do whether he realizes that or now. Now you do what you need to do for you.