The type of women we are, the loving, giving, caring, understanding, women we are, we'll do almost anything for love.
We'll do almost anything for our dreams. For the chance to make those dreams come true when we find someone that we think might be the one.
We give and we give and we give and we give.
And then we give some more.
We long for nothing more than to be loved the same way we love.
To be held the same way we hold.
To be made a priority the same way we make him a priority.
We get so caught up in this crazy quest for love that we forget to do the most important thing of all:
To stand.
To stand in the beautiful light of who we are.
We shrink so well.
We apologize all too well.
We minimize ourselves so effortlessly.
We comply so easily.
We accommodate like it's our natural state of being.
But we've forgotten how to stand.
We've been taught this since our first days on earth. We're rewarded with love and gifts for being good, for being nice, for being respectful, for being everything a good little girl should be.
When we finally venture out into the great big world beyond, it's only reinforced for us all over again.
Put everyone else first, before you, and you'll get along just fine. We do this just too well.
It's so ingrained in us; it's become a part of who we are.
Sitting, waiting, making ourselves smaller so that someone else's light can shine first. Apologizing for things that we never need to apologize for, downplaying our attributes so that we don't offend anyone with our pride. We've been down this road too far and too long.
It's time to remember what it means to stand.
To stand up for what we want.
To stand up for what we believe in.
To stand up for ourselves when things aren't the way we want them.
To stand up to someone we don't want to lose, but still say what's in our heart and on our mind.
To stand instead of running away when we're confronted.
To stand instead of backing down when we know what we need to do.
To stand and be silent when there's nothing more to say.
You see, something happens when we stand like this. When we stand in our own strength, in our own space, in our own steadiness. Something changes inside us. Something changes around us. Something changes about us.
We feel stronger for standing.
We feel more confident, more sure of ourselves, more able to speak our own truth calmly and confidently from a place of our truth instead of someone else's. We can focus better on ourselves, instead of everyone else.
It's the way we're meant to be. To stand like this.
Not standing over anyone, not standing under anyone, but standing as equals in the light of who we are and what we bring to the table.
It's your turn now. It's time to feel that power and strength that you own. It's time to show the world all that you are and all that you have to offer. You know this, even if you've forgotten it somewhere along the way.
It's time to take that stand!
What do you stand for? Share it with us in the comments. It's time.
The title of this post is really speaking to me Jane. I know that I need to take a stand regarding a guy in my life right now, but I don't know exactly how. We work together and have expressed feelings for each other, but I'm starting to realize that he's not as concerned about me as I thought and it hurts. What really opened my eyes was when my mom recently got very sick, was hospitalized, and I barely heard from him. I was absent from work and he didn't even call or text to see how I was doing or if my mom was okay. Didn't think I was expecting too much, I just figured a good, caring friend would have reached out, which I thought he was. It would have been nice to hear from him during that time. No word though. However, if he wanted me to pick him up from the airport, or help him with an assignment at work, or give him a hug and kiss, or pick up his mail while he's out of town, he would have reached out to me. I would have heard from him for sure! It just hurts because I really thought he would have cared enough to call and not just care about me when it's beneficial to him it seems. Didn't think it was asking for much. I've went out of my way so many times to show him I care and maybe that was the problem. Like you said, giving, giving, giving without reciprocity. I would stay late at work to help him with assignments, give up time on the weekend to help him with activities, surprise him on his birthday with cards or his favorite cake, provide emotional support/a listening ear/encouragement...the list can go on and on. I just wanted to be a supportive, loving person in his life because I truly cared for him romantically and was his friend. Apparently, the feeling is not as mutual and selfless as I thought. I know I need to do what your article says and take a stand, but I would love your helpful advice.
This is exactly what I was talking about with my sister in law yesterday. The need to stand up and be all that we really are! No more hiding our light or being smaller versions of ourselves to accommodate others! Thank you, thank you again for your timely words!
Exactly, Tracy! "No more hiding our light or being smaller versions of ourselves to accommodate others!" Love the way you put this!
Jane....everytime you speak to were I am in my journey. I am standing up for what I want, what I deserve and who I am.
I'm so glad this resonates with you, BRD; and how inspiring to hear this in your own powerful words. Thank you!
Hi Jane
I love your comments and look forward to finding an email from you as it sets me up for the day. I have broken up with a man about three months ago - he walked away and I thought he was the one. The trouble is I feel he walked away because I did stand up for myself. Ok I might not have done this all the time because I was probably scared that I would lose him and I guess looking back there were lots of other things wrong. Maybe in the first place he was the wrong one and I was very flattered with his attention having never really had that before - he told me I was beautiful and appeared to love everything about me, he was attentive and made me feel like a princess. As time went by however ( one year) he realised that I had a personality and seemed to just go off of me especially when I showed my strength about what I wanted or didn't, Most of the time I let him set the pace and like you say loved him and cared about him so much but he never told me he loved me face to face, only in off the cuff text messages once or twice. Looking back he was what I have realised as emotionally unavailable and in the end said he wanted to break up because he wanted to be single again. He had been 35 years in a marriage before me although 10 years single and I had been 15 years without anyone due to trust issues after my last two relationships. Being in my 60s you would think I had learned my lesson but it seems I still have so much to learn. Thank you Jane xxx
Thank you for your kind words, Linda; I so appreciate you. Know that as much as we think it's because of what we say or do or don't do or say, it's never that personal; it's always about where he's at and whether you're both on the same page or not and want the same level of commitment in a relationship with each other. We always think it's about what we could have done differently - or should have known - but it's never about that.
Don't be so hard on yourself here. We all come to this realization in our own time, and for so many of us, it takes a lot longer than we'd like, and so much longer than we think it should. When you can let go of those shoulds and accept the reality of what is - and be grateful you've come to it when you have! - you give yourself the beautiful gift of acceptance; acceptance of you, of him, of your journey, of where you've been and where you're going, of your own beautiful, fully-human self!