Our beautiful friend Emilie is in a long distance relationship, but her guy is drifting away and becoming emotionally distant.
Her email:
I've met this guy two years ago in Spain and we went out, there was clearly a spark there. We kept in touch and I went back to Spain this summer and we fell madly in love, it was crazy. So we were able to keep our ldr but now he started university and he seems to have lost his feelings for me...I really want him back so please give me anything!
My Response:
Know that you can't make anyone love you or want to be with you, Emilie. You can only give him the time and space he's asking for and let him fill in that space himself by contacting you, by making an effort to continue with a long distance relationship.
And then you can keep living your own life, and focusing on you, and reminding yourself that love is about two people who want to be together, who are both on the same page and are willing to do whatever it takes to make that happen.
I know it's hard to accept that he might not be there right now, that he might be focused on starting university and this new life he's begun for himself that makes him more distant than close. But know that if it's meant to be, if he wants the same thing as you, it will happen.
But in the meantime, accepting this, realizing that you only want to be with someone who wants to be with you, you can see this as an opportunity to see what else is out there for you, to be open to what shows up and what resonates with you.
You deserve someone who wants to be with you as much as you want to be with him, Emilie, so know that whether it's this guy or not, you'll always know who's right for you because he'll want this too. It's never about you having to convince someone you want to be with him, it's about him discovering this for himself and wanting to make sure you know he does!
I know this is easier said than done, when your heart only wants him, but if you can keep this perspective, you'll eventually come to see this for yourself, too. Don't take what he does or doesn't do personally, this is only about him and where he's at and not you!
Love,
Jane
Can you relate? Share your story and words of encouragement with Emilie in the comments!
great advice....
Thank you, Lacy.
Great advice once again Jane!
Hang in there Emilie. There are many of us who have and currently are going through the same thing. Don't isolate yourself in the your story but take comfort in the universality of heartache and support of this community right here!
I too am trying to pick up the million pieces of my shatter heart after someone seemingly lost interest in me over the course of a couple months. I write this for you as well as for myself! echo Jane's sentiments, the thing that has most help me is realizing that I am worthy of some feeling as strongly about me as I do for them. You don't want nor deserve someone who isn't 100% about you Emilie. I know it's hard but just give him is space. Take this time to focus on you. Is there a hobby you love? Trying to channel your emotions and anxiety through that hobby. If you like running for example go for a run every time you find yourself lost in thoughts about him. You'll release anxiety and become a better runner.
You're not alone Emile and you are strong! Keep your chin up. Sending love.
I have a guy that I fell for,wasn't my intention,but we acted like we were a couple but there were things we didn't do like some couples.and when I left it was hard I wish it would have become more but it didn't.I hope one day ill meet some one who will want to be with me or just to be friends..it's hard when we fall for some one and they don't fill the same or just want to be friends with benefits.if I don't meet any one that will be good also...
Yes it is a sad thing in a way... When you care or love someone, and it does not go further.
It stops, the person goes away or disappears .
For me personally this makes me sad or gives doubts. I can even be
Dramatic or too negative. Some people feel this for days, months and some feel it always.
But what I have learned is that it is at that moment your reality and only you
Can feel what you feel. You carry all of that every day! It's like a big bag of sh**.
Only it is a waist of your time and energy to focus on those emotions etc .
Because it can make you scared or very sad.
And I think you want to be happy and think how to get to
"Happy".
You need to Find a way to get all of that sadness of pain into something
Positive.
It took me too long to learn that when somebody starts getting distant, the best thing is to step back from them too and focus on yourself for a bit. Instead, as they backed off, I would pull tighter, call more, and it just pushed them much further away. Every. Single. Time. I'm finally realizing that if somebody starts backing away, I will let them, because my energies are best spent on myself or on somebody who wants to be with me, not on trying to convince somebody to want to be with me. No thanks, life is too short.
So beautifully said, Sky11; it is so inspiring when you get this as clearly as you are and you can say it in your own beautiful words. It is such a journey to be able to get to the place where you can see what you've been doing and how it has the opposite effect of what we want. " ... not on trying to convince somebody to want to be with me." You've got this!
Hi jane
I can really relate to Emilies situation. I had two London distant relationships both ended up going no where.
When on holidays it's easy to get caught up in crazy romantic passion. That's what it is just passion without thinking about or even talking about a future. I was 42 when I went to Noumea and fell in love with a French man who was just as in love and passionate with me but then he slowly changed. At first he wrote amazing letters of love . I was his soulmate etc. then he flew countries to see me. After I went back to meet his family in France and then it was all down hill. It really was a six week romance stretched over a year. He lost interest as in the time we were apart he stated meeting other woman also. I have met many woman who try and sustain what was a passionate overseas romance only for the guy to loose interest and be passionate about the next tourist who comes along. It's very european
Thanks for offering your insight here, Gab; it all helps - especially when you've experienced this yourself.
I Emily, yes men are strange creatures, you think you have them figured out then they pull away, or just disappear. I am going through this at the moment, it hurts it ripes your heart out but I think faith and prayers and patience is the answer, yes it's true you can't make anyone want you and if they have left for reasons, you really don't know the truth to then if he is the right guy and you have respected his wishes and given him the space and time he needs slowly and I do say slowly, he will come around. Never ask for an explanation, reason or discussion about it, until you know he's back wholeheartedly. Then you know he is hooked. My man is coming around now, very slowly but it's taken nearly 3 months. So hang in there girl, if you truly love him the wait will be worth it in end. I wish you all the best and hope it works out for you.
You deserve, someone that will spend every waking with you!!!
Want to give freely his time, because you are the bestv thing that
will happen to him. If you don't believe that,,, know one else will.
Give yourself a gift,,,, happiness,, love serenity,,, .Let go,,, forgive,
We only have today, don't worry bout tmrw, it may never come.
Love Yourself,,,, thats all,,, one more,, pay it forward. It's worth
every smile, laugh, tear. Were women,,,, Hears us Roar!!!
What wonderfully inspiring words Cindy, and yes the important things is to keep the love and peace and that happens when we realize that everything he does is not about us, and dont take it personally. Keep smiling 🙂
Beautifully said, Cindy; thank you for sharing your inspiring words with all of us!
That's good advice, Jane. I fell in love with a man recently who I ended up waiting for almost two years. I felt like I was the one who was always trying to get his attention except when he didn't have anything better to do. After two years of wondering why he hadn't called or returned my calls, spending alot of weekends alone, and wondering where he was or who he was with, I finally let go. It wasn't easy, and I still think about him alot. And I haven't heard from him for almost 3 months now. I only want to be with someone who wants to be with me. If he really wanted to be with me, he would, and he'd do whatever it takes to be together. Hang in there, Emilie! I know it's hard, but you have to let him go and focus on yourself, and explore your other options. Your Mister Right will want to be with you as much as you want to be with him.