Getting to TRUE Love

Finding your YOU that leads to TWO

  • Categories
    • Relationships
    • Dating
    • Finding Love
    • Single Life
    • Inspiration
  • Programs
  • Work With Me
  • Contact Me
  • About
You are here: Home / 2012 / Archives for August 2012

Archives for August 2012

5 Secrets to Staying Sane In a World of Couples

12 Comments

Beautiful single woman is at a wedding celebrating with her friends who are all in relationships. 5 secrets to staying sane in a world of couples.Does it sometimes feel like everyone in the world is in a relationship except you? I've been there, and here are five secrets I learned along the way that will save your sanity!

I remember that feeling that would come over me when, as a single girl, I would get an invitation to a party or a wedding or another event where I knew there would be mostly couples in attendance.  As much as I would look on the positive side and think I might meet Mr. Right there (because that was always in the back of my  mind), the reality was my married friends would all have each other and I would once again feel like the fifth wheel I always seemed to be.

It always seemed to be little old single me amongst all the happy, smiling couples who seemed to have everything I was looking for. No matter how much I tried to feel ok by myself, that deep longing to be part of a couple never went away. Nor did the feeling that there was something wrong with me that made me wonder if I would ever figure out what it was I was supposed to do to be on the other side.  On that elusive couples side that always seemed to escape me.

No matter how much we may believe we are living in a different world today where it's more common than ever to be single or at least to marry much later in life, the reality is that it's almost impossible to forget that we are living in a couple's world.  From the numerous times you're asked if you're dating anyone, or why you're not married yet (or something else along those lines), to the special rates offered to couples everywhere from gyms to resorts to big box stores, the implied message is always the same – if you're not part of a couple, there's something wrong with you!

Or at least that was how I always felt.  For those of you who are able to ignore those messages and live your single lives to the fullest without feeling that way somewhere deep down inside, I admire you for being able to authentically be in that space amid such external pressure.  But for the rest of us, I've got a few things to share with you that I wish I had understood back when I was feeling so discontented being single when everyone else seemed to be with someone.

So what's a single gal to do in this couples world?  Plenty:

1.  Focus on YOU!

That's right – you. That beautiful person who looks back at you when you look in the mirror.  Take an inventory of everything you have in your life right now.  Look at the things you want to do, the places you want to visit, the experiences you want to have, and start making those things happen now; don't wait to start living until you've found someone to share your life with. Live your life like you've never lived it before.

2.  Remember that this is only temporary.

There are so many seasons in life.  This is only one of them.  Don't get so caught up in looking forward to the next seasons that you forget to enjoy the season that you're currently living in.  There will be positive and negative aspects to each period of your life; instead of looking at the future as being better than here, focus on what is great about right now.

3.  Give yourself a reality check about being part of a couple.

Spend some time with a married couple or a friend who's in a long term relationship to see the realities first hand for yourself.  Being a part of a couple is wonderful, but maintaining a healthy relationship is not without its challenges.  A reality check while being around them can give you a fresh perspective on some of the benefits of being single that you may not have realized in your quest to being part of a couple. This perspective can help to inspire you to enjoy your singlehood to the fullest.

4.  Ignore the cultural messages.

Remember that most of it is just programming and marketing, and the culture doesn't reflect what is going on in your life.  Hard to do, I know, but if you remind yourself of just how many single people there are out there, and especially how much money is made off of advertising that targets getting married, having a family and living happily ever after, it will help you see just how much of these cultural messages are actually part of big business, and not about your love life (or lack of one).

5.  Remember to breathe!

Go easy on yourself.  Stop being so hard on yourself.  Just because you've been where you've been and gone through your experiences doesn't mean you're set up to repeat the same patterns over and over again.  You can make changes; you can do things differently; you can stop repeating old patterns and you can (and will) attract someone different into your life as you begin to realize those baby steps towards changing those old patterns.

Remember, this is your time, your space, your season, your life.  Don't let someone else's idea of what it means to be happy take away from the joy of being you.

Radiant, beautiful, confident, currently single YOU!

Tomorrow is a New Day

2 Comments

An attractive woman is watching the sunset from the deck of a ferry boat, realizing that tomorrow is a new day.Just like we are so hard on ourselves, many of us (myself included) find it all too easy to look back at the past with so many regrets at what we could have done differently in a given situation.

While we can always learn from our past experiences and determine to do something differently the next time, the harm comes in getting so caught up in that past, beating ourselves up in the process, that we forget that tomorrow truly is a new day. A day to do things differently. A day to celebrate ourselves and all that we are, including our imperfections and shortcomings.

These things make us human, they make us real, and one day they will even endear us to that special someone who will truly love us unconditionally.

I still remember the night when my single girlfriend and I were at a local restaurant after a social event, and we saw two guys who had also been at that event.  We both found them attractive and thought they looked interesting, and we went back and forth wondering how we might break the ice and meet them.  They both seemed to be in a deep conversation with each other, although they seemed to look over in our direction a few times, enough for us to think they might be interested in meeting us, too.

We noticed that there were no rings on their fingers and they certainly seemed open and friendly enough in their body language, but they never took that step to come over and talk to us, despite our clearly inviting signals and body language.

It was soon time for us to leave, so we walked past them on our way out, smiled one more time and said hello. They both smiled and said "hi", but nothing more.

On our way home we wondered if we should have said or done anything more to open up a conversation, or even gone as far as walking up to them and striking up a conversation ourselves, instead of hoping for them to make a move. We stayed stuck in that depressing world of "what if" and the "what could have been", each in our own individual way, for far too long.

Finally we both realized that it simply didn't really matter. We decided to leave the world of "what if" and come back to the world of "what is". We realized that if it was meant to be, if either one of these guys were meant to be with us, we would meet again.

And more importantly, we realized the hard, cold truth of the matter: If either one of them had been interested in either one of us, they could have (and most likely would have) initiated a conversation with us.  It wasn't all about us.

The point is, thinking about the past, focusing on what we could have or should have done differently, doesn't get us anywhere.  Learning from that past, building on our previous experiences with new knowledge and new levels of comfort does.

Beating ourselves up over things we cannot change about the past, dwelling on what we wish we had done differently doesn't.

So look at the past, and all of those things you might have wanted to do differently, as learning points.  If you feel, based on your past experiences, that you need to do something different, then do it.  If you're not sure, then listen deeply to your heart and not all the shoulds or other people, and you'll find you have that answer deep down inside.

It's all a journey.  We learn.  We experience.

We find ourselves in situations where we wish we had done something different.  And we learn again.  We resolve to do things differently and then we learn the important life lessons that bring us through to the next season of our lives.  And we fall back into old patterns from time to time.  It's that three steps forward, two steps back type of learning that we find so frustrating, yet is so necessary to finding our way on our own time, at our own pace, at a timing that is unique to us and no one else.

And always allow yourself the gift of a fresh start.

Once Upon a Time There Was a Little Girl

23 Comments

Once upon a time there was a little girl who believed she could do anything (Photo of little girl jumping with joy)Once upon a time you were a little girl who knew her worth couldn’t be measured; a little girl who believed in herself and her dreams, which were big dreams, and that little girl knew she could do anything and that her dreams would come true.

Until they came along and told you that you weren't all that, that you weren't worthy, and that they knew better than you did.  They told you it wasn’t ok to do this or that, that it wasn't  ladylike, or feminine, or appropriate for someone like you.  And you believed them because you believed they knew best.  And you were taught to be a good little girl so that is what a good little girl should do.

Until one day your own feelings of worth and your beliefs in yourself and what you deserve got so stuffed down inside you that you no longer believed you could follow your dreams and become whatever you wanted to.  And you began to doubt yourself  and believe instead that you had to prove yourself worthy instead of remembering that you were worthy just because you are you.Continue Reading

Accepting What Is

6 Comments

Beautiful woman sitting near the ocean learning to let go and let it all be.As I mentioned in the last post, we've recently relocated across the country, which is why I haven't posted in a while. While we were packing our things for our cross-country trek I looked through my bookcase for a few books to read on the way, and I came across a true gem that I hadn't read in a while.  It's a book by Melody Beattie, one of my favorite all-time authors, called The Language of Letting Go

As I read her beautiful words once again, I thought about the whole idea of letting go.  And what the point is.  And how that helped me when I was doing everything except letting go.  And I wanted to share some thoughts on that with you here.   Because what I realized letting go is really all about, is control.  The control we believe or think we have over situations, people and circumstances.  Because the reality is, we really don’t have control over almost everything outside of ourselves.  But the other part of that reality is, we really do have control over what we think and do about things within ourselves.  And that’s why letting go is so difficult to do.

In her book, Melody Beattie defined letting go in this sense that we're talking about, as the process that happens when we stop looking at the past or the future, but instead focus on our reality today and how that frees us up to let life happen without struggling so hard to control outcomes that we really have no control over in the first place.  Like waiting around for someone to come around and make a commitment instead of accepting the reality of what is right now.  Like looking back on a past relationship with such regret and shame that we didn’t do something different if only we had known better.  Like believing that if we were just more of something it would mean he would finally give us the commitment we’re looking for.  Like looking at what could be instead of accepting what is. Falling in love with someone's potential, instead of who they really are right now.

The memories of my own struggle with letting go came flooding back to me as I remembered my own scenarios where I clung so hard to that false illusion of control that I thought I held over yet another him and yet another circumstance if I could only be something different from what I was.  Yet another scenario destined for heartbreak because I had yet again missed the point of it all – that to release him, and to release any outcomes and instead focus on myself and what is, I would have discovered I didn’t need to do anything different with myself except to accept myself and all that I was and in that process finally get that there was nothing wrong with me and learn to love myself in that process.

Because letting go is really about letting go of that illusion.  Accepting what is.  Without trying to control it and hang on so hard to what we really think can be.  But isn’t.  And won’t be.  Until we learn to release it.  And release him.  And the relationship, if there even really is one.  And if there isn’t, it’s about accepting that to.  And learning that we don’t have to change anything about ourselves.  That it’s about embracing ourselves and finding out who we really are and what we’re really looking for.  And always keeping in mind what we truly deserve.  And refusing to settle for anything less than that.

Because where it’s really at, is focusing on ourselves and getting in touch with where we’re at and what we want out of life instead of focusing on everyone else.  Melody talked about this in her book as well, as she revealed “I used to spend so much time reacting and responding to everyone else that my life had no direction. Other people's lives, problems, and wants set the course for my life. Once I realized it was okay for me to think about and identify what I wanted, remarkable things began to take place in my life”.  And that’s what we so often forget.  It’s more than OK to think about ourselves; it’s actually the key to learning to truly love ourselves and invite love into our lives.

It’s a simple concept, but one of the hardest things to do, especially when we’re caught in the thick of it.  So today, the next time you find yourself thinking about what you could have done differently, what you should have known better to do, what you’re beating yourself up about, what you know it could be if only he or you or your circumstances were different, stop.  Just stop right where you are. Take a deep breath.  Let yourself feel whatever your feeling.  And breathe again.  Keep feeling your feelings.  Then let it go.  All of it.  All the hoping.  All the wishing.  All the if onlys and the what ifs  and the why nots.  And just accept that what it is.  Right now.  And let it all out.

It’s hard to accept reality, I know that all too well.  But it’s only in that acceptance, in that present mind thinking that we can truly move on to the productive side of things where we actually start focusing on you and what is true right now.  And that’s where everything real begins.

It’s the fine art of letting go, letting be, and accepting what is.

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR MAILING LIST AND I’LL SEND YOU THIS GIFT!

Make Him Adore You Send me the video!

Programs

About Jane Garapick

Hi, I'm Jane Garapick. I'm here to provide inspiration, support and empowerment on the journey to true love. I know what it’s like to have a broken heart, a broken dream, and a broken you. And I know for a fact, that your dreams can still come true! Read more...
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • RSS
  • Twitter
  • YouTube

Join Me On Facebook!

Getting to True Love

Popular Posts

A beautiful woman looks at her phone wondering why he hasn't called.

The REAL Reason He Hasn’t Called

Image of a man who looks like a player showing signs he's not into you.

14 Warning Signs That He’s Not That in to You

Attractive young woman awaits a phone call. wondering why he hasn't called.

The Worst Thing You Can Do When He Hasn't Called

A beautiful woman is being hugged

Will He Ever Want a Committed Relationship? 3 Signs He Might

A man telling a woman he just wants to be friends. They are standing in a park on a path, out of focus, with the camera looking through branches.

He Just Wants To Be Friends

A beautiful woman is upset because of the way her boyfriend treats her as he watches TV.

Why He Treats You the Way He Does

A beautiful woman is looking at her ex boyfriend with his new girlfriend, wondering why he wouldn't commit to her.

Why He'll Commit to Her, But Not to You

If you've let him know that you expect the same level of commitment from him that you've given him, and he can't give you the commitment that you're looking for, then there’s only one thing for you to do. A clock is showing that it's time to move on.

Your Best Response When You're Not Getting the Commitment You Want

You're the one who really has tried everything to get him to come around and fully commit. You're the one who's given him more than enough time to come around and finally make the commitment . A beautiful woman is upset that her boyfriend won't give her the commitment she wants.

The Worst Thing You Can Do When He Won't Commit

Green freeway sign with Commitment written on it.

7 Things I've Learned About Men Who Are Afraid Of Commitment

As Seen On…

Latest Tweets

Tweets by @JaneGarapick

Recent Comments

  • Heather on Why No Contact NEVER works and what to do instead
  • Emma Verhoog on The Difference Between Giving Up Too Soon and Giving Up Too Much
  • Jin on Three Things You Can Do When He’s Getting Emotionally Distant
  • stavkapro on Your Best Response When You're Not Getting the Commitment You Want
  • Turning Your YouTube Channel Into a Cash Flow. on The REAL Reason He Hasn’t Called
  • Snehal on My Boyfriend Fell Out of Love With Me

Calendar

August 2012
M T W T F S S
 12345
6789101112
13141516171819
20212223242526
2728293031  
« Jul   Sep »

Copyright © 2025· Getting to True Love, LLC · All rights reserved · Privacy Policy · Refund Policy · Terms of Service

We use cookies to ensure you receive the best experience on our website. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are okay with our terms :)Got it!