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Am I the Problem?

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Beautiful woman sitting on the beach, sad because of her breakup, wants to get her boyfriend back.
I must be the issue because it can't be everyone else.

I get a ton of emails but sometimes there are ones that cut right through to my heart. This one was one of them.

I read it through twice and caught my breath. How many times had I whispered exactly the same thing? How many women do I talk to who ask me the same thing?

Jane, she began, I wanted to see if I might have one (or any) email consults left with you or if not can I please buy one? 🙂

I have recently found out I'm likely on the spectrum which explains a few things but I'm really struggling with my family dynamics and feel a bit like I'm too messed up to even be friends with anyone let alone be in a relationship (which I've pretty much given up on).

I feel like I keep getting backed into corners and my health is in decline.

I have become very much a recluse and avoid seeing people because I'm either too unwell or feel like it's a waste of time because I will be rejected sooner or later (because I'm not good company - I really understand that) and it's just too painful to do it anymore so I just stay on my own.Continue Reading

Freeing Yourself from the Chains of Bondage

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Concept of a woman freeing herself from the chains of bondage
It's time to break those chains.

"I'm ready to do the work" she said. "I'm ready to fix this."

"I sabotaged it - I was so insecure and anxious. I did this. Now I only have myself to blame. Can you help me get him back?"

It wasn't her fault. And no, it didn't require any more "working on herself".

Because it wasn't hers to fix.

She hadn't sabotaged it. She was insecure and anxious BECAUSE he gave her reason to be. NOT because she was this way for no reason.

She didn't do this. She wasn't to blame.Continue Reading

How she went from heartbroken & hopeless to happily married in one year

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Happy just married young couple, wedding.
We were just married in Jamaica!

It all began when Becca responded to my call to claim the year as HER year to find the love she’d been searching for her whole life. In response to an email I sent out to my subscriber list, she responded with this.

Jane, I'm doing this. This is my year to find the love I've been wanting my whole life!"

I made a commitment to not go after the man that abandoned me and my children three times this last year and a half - I am worth more than how I have been treated- my children deserve a good man in their lives that values them as his own. No more will I beg or chase a man. I will allow only good in my life and my children's lives. 

- Becca

 I responded back to her with this email:

Awesome, Rebecca! I'm so glad you're here.

There is nothing like these words, spoken with conviction, to put this into motion, to claim your right to have exactly the kind of love you were made for!Continue Reading

Are you still attracting the bad boys? Here's why and how to stop.

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Happy young man and woman in a car enjoying a road trip on a summer day. Couple out on a drive in a open car.
We're attracted to someone who's at ease with what we find difficult.

One of the things I absolutely love about my husband is how he handles surface social settings with such ease. While I'm thinking about what I want to say vs. what I should say or figuring out what's expected of me (because that early PK programming is always right there in my head!), he just shows up normal.

And you know why? Because I was attracted to someone who had ease in an area that I struggled with.

What's just normal and natural to him, is a struggle - or at least a second thought - for me!

My point for you? We're always attracted to someone who can do something we struggle with or don't believe we can do. That thing you're waiting for permission to do? As long as you believe you need permission - or don't give it to yourself, the more you're going to find someone who never looks for permission - or needs it - attractive.

See where I'm going with this?

Whether it's the bad boy, the guy who treats you bad BECAUSE HE CAN, the emotionally unavailable guy who doesn't care if he ever digs deeper because you do all the digging - and understanding - for him, this is why you can't stop being involved with this type of man.

Want to change it? Start here. Start today.Continue Reading

Is this you?

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sad woman walking on the city street at sunset
You mean I have a voice?

If you've never had someone model boundaries for you, if you've never learned how to find your own voice - and use it, there's something you need to know about finding it.

It's not easy. It won't feel natural. And you'll wonder if it's okay to have discovered this at all.

See, no one ever tells you how uncomfortable, how completely out of your comfort zone it’s going to be for you to learn a new language that includes the “I” statements you’ve never learned.

“I feel”.

“I need”.

“I want”.

“I hear”.

“I know”.

“I am”.

“I’m not”.

The list goes on and on.Continue Reading

Why do you even bother?

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A beautiful woman is leaning on a railing against a sunset, disappointed she hasn't heard from her boyfriend.
What's your reason?

That's my question for you today.

Why do you even bother?

With so many discouraging moments, so many disappointments, why do you still bother to try?

Because you've got a reason. Even if you've forgotten it up til now.

It's there somewhere, giving you hope, keeping you believing in something changing in your life for you even if it's so hard to see.

There's a reason I'm asking you this today. I want YOU to hear from yourself WHY you still bother. Why you haven't given up all hope of your life ever being different, why you're still here.

I want to stir up some excitement, some passion left in you. Some determination, some motivation to finally crack your own code for why you still have enough hope to come back here every time.

What's your reason?

There's something stronger than you believe you are that's not giving up on your story ending here. What is that? What does that look like for you?

Don't underestimate the power of you knowing your why, your reason that STILL gives you hope even if it's not always obvious to you.

There's a reason, girl. Time to remember what yours is!

Take a moment to think about this and then put it down in the comments. It makes all the difference in the world when you say it out loud and write it down right there in front of you!

Love,

Jane

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