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Why Am I Not Good Enough?

11 Comments

A beautiful woman looking down sadly, trying to let go and move on.
I lived this way for almost three years.

My heart ached for the woman who sent me the email with this as her subject line.

The tragedy is when we take someone's rejection of us personally as a reflection of our very worth. Feeling like you're not good enough when really it's because you're with someone who triggers in you these feelings of not being good enough for him. But who could ever be when you're with someone who elicits this type of response in you? It has nothing to do with your worth or your being good enough. It has everything to do with him and his own choices and nothing, nothing to do with you.

What always comes through in letters like this is this beautiful heart of yours.

So giving, so understanding, so caring, so compassionate. You're so unlike anyone he's ever met. You allow him to be exactly who he is, to treat you however he does, to give you only what he can in the moment - even if it's nothing, and he's never come across anyone like this before. You give and you give and you give some more. Waiting to be acknowledged. Waiting for him to notice. Waiting for him to come a little closer to your side. Waiting for him to appreciate you. Waiting for him to give you what you know is in him, albeit buried deep down inside him.

You're prepared to love him through whatever he's going through. You hold the vision of what he could be so strongly in your mind, that it covers who he actually is and what he's showing you by his actions, by the way he treats you, by the way he actually is, not the way he used to be. In spite of everything he shows you about him right now, you have such a beautiful hope for what can be, such a beautiful heart for how you love him, and so you stay with him, you'll try everything and anything to help him.Continue Reading

He held me against my will with a shotgun

3 Comments

Rear view of a woman holding the curtains open to look out of a large light window at home.
Why can't I move on?

I know. I had to read that again, too.

Beautiful Jerimie wrote to me about the guy she's having trouble letting go of and moving on from when she still believes he's the love of her life.

Read on for her story!

Good morning Jane,

This may be a bit long, even maybe a chapter book or short story 🙂 I'll try to keep it to the minimum...

I met Brett November 14, 2014. He has the most brilliant sky blue eyes you'd ever seen. However, what made me fall in love (first time ever) was his stupid half smile with his sideways glance. Omg! That did it for me.

We were just going to hook up for one night.

I had recently been fired from my job (also first time ever) and I just needed a little stress relieving sex. He stayed the night and I went to my "new" job after I left him a cup of coffee on the nightstand and told him to take his time and we'd text later.

I got home after work and to my surprise he pulled up behind me in my driveway. Jumped out and came and opened my door and leaned in for a welcome home kiss. I was shocked! I frantically started thinking..."Ok Jer, relax don't get your hopes up. Be cool! Just be cool!"Continue Reading

It's so hard to move on

7 Comments

A beautiful woman covers her face with her hands because she is feeling afraid and lonely.
How can he make me feel like a crumbling mess?

Susan wrote to me the most heart wrenching letter about how hard it is to let go and move on. I knew what's she going through would resonate with so many of you. Been here?

Here's her story:

Omgosh Jane. How do you do it?

How did you know exactly what I'm suffering right now? Silently painfully and occasionally voicing to few who harshly shut me down with comments that make me feel even worse about myself than I already do.

I should know better, you have been through this before why are you allowing or being so foolish. You should never cry over a man - what's wrong with you. We always thought you had more sense and you're so weak and making a fool of yourself, he doesn't want you don't you see.

Of course I see and don't they know I yell at myself over and over until I can't stand to be in my own body and I have deserted and loathe my own self for allowing myself to go through this.

We don't talk anymore and he cut me off.Continue Reading

You never learned to love. You only learned to please.

36 Comments

Beautiful woman outdoors looking contemplative, thinking about love.
What have you REALLY learned?

We say too much.

They pull back, they pull away.

We stop talking.

We've learned.

We don't say enough.

They call us boring.

We start saying more.

We've learned.

But what have we really learned except how to pay even closer attention than we already do, to what they say, what they don't say, how they respond, how they don't respond?

To the high self-esteemed among us, what they learn is something very different from what we learn.Continue Reading

I Feel Like I'm Incapable of a Successful Relationship

5 Comments

Outdoor portrait of a sad woman feeling rejected.
I feel so down, so lonely and used.

The subject line of her email said it all. "I am incapable of a successful relationship."

I'm answering Tina's email on the blog today because I hear from so many of you who've come to the same conclusion and you've all but given up any hope of changing this. You're in the right place because I find hope out of hopelessness despite what you can't yet see, so stay with me here. If you've ever felt like this, I've got so much hope for you today!

Her Story:

Hi Jane,Continue Reading

10 Years Wasted on a Selfish Guy

24 Comments

Profile of a beautiful woman wondering if her guy will ever want a committed relationship.
He has hurt me so deeply. It's changed my view of men.

You know how you stay 'just a little longer' to see if he's going to change? And then you're afraid not to stay in case you miss that change?

That's the familiar scenario I'm talking about here. This is what happens when we wait it out, not realizing the time that passes in the meantime and the days that turn to months and then years.

This is why she wrote to me with the title, subject 'It's been 10 years'. If you've been here you know how it happens and how 'I'll just see how it goes' turns into 10 long years.Continue Reading

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About Jane Garapick

Hi, I'm Jane Garapick. I'm here to provide inspiration, support and empowerment on the journey to true love. I know what it’s like to have a broken heart, a broken dream, and a broken you. And I know for a fact, that your dreams can still come true! Read more...
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