Oh girl, believe me I've tried. You're not the exception and you're not going to save him.
The conversation always goes something like this.
"I get him like his ex never got him. He tells me he's never felt like this before. So how can you say I won't be the exception? How can you say I can't save him? I'm not like anyone else he's been with. Isn't that worth something?"
So let's say you are.
Let's say you really are the exception you believe you're going to be. So what then? You think that's going to be the end of it? That you get him, he commits to you, and you somehow have your happily ever after with this guy?
No, that's not the way this works. You're not home free - or free anything! - if you somehow eek a commitment out of him.
That's when the real work kicks in.
Now you have to keep him. Now you have to keep up the herculean effort it took to get him this far. The being perfect, the biting your tongue, the holding back, the keeping yourself in check, the pleasing, the performing.
The walking on eggshells and reading between the lines. And all the therapy YOU had to do to get you here just so you could accept him the way he was.
Sure you still want him?
Are you here? Type "yes in the comments if you're here and then I want you to think about whether he's worth what you're putting yourself through in the hopes of being this exception you so want to be. Is he really worth what you think he is?
Love,
Jane
I’m going through this
And I have a feeling it took a lot to simply type those words, Veronica. Remember who you are. Remember how much you love and give and care. Does he really get all that giving you so little return?
My love life over and over and over. Feel like a complete failure in relationships. It’s gotta be me.
Yes…I was totally there! But the last time he and I text….he criticized me with 2 paragraphs on how I should say goodnight! Then the next night sent a text as if nothing was said…to which I did not reply. Nor did I reply the next 3 nights in a row when he text how he wasn’t feeling well and even went to the hospital. That was 6 weeks ago and we haven’t spoke….and I am so good about it!!! Normally I would fall for his manipulation. I’m proud of myself! 😊
2 paragraphs is a lot of criticism, Cheri. Hope that made it easier to not still be there.
Finally walked away and have never encountered anyone like this. The being quick to anger lessened and the volatility but just wasn't giving me what I deserved in a lot of ways. Truly was up and down would get close and withdraw.
It's the "but" that always concerns me, Leslie.
Yes!
Hearing you!