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"You're too nice for me"

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Rear view pensive thoughtful woman sitting on sofa alone, lost in thoughts, upset female having psychological problem, heartbreak, thinking about being alone
I couldn't believe he was telling me this.

"You're just too nice for me, I was always afraid you were too nice for me. I like you so much, but I didn't feel it strong enough, something was missing."

My blood was boiling before I had even finished reading her full comment on my website.

No, don't turn it back on her. Don't make it about her being too nice. That's a bunch of BS!

You, (insert the name here of whoever's said the same thing to you) - this isn't about her, it's about you!

You're the coward. You're the one who won't do your own work.

You're the one who refuses to wake up from your own convenient programming that insists it's all about finding the "perfect" woman and that's the piece that's missing and then you'll magically have this complete perfect relationship that will make everything so easy for you!

No, don't hide behind that BS! That's NOT the way relationships work.

You don't get to be with someone for 6 months who's "too nice", afraid she's too nice the whole time, while you're playing the field, sleeping with someone else - "but it doesn't mean anything" - and then dropping the bomb that you "don't feel it strong enough."Continue Reading

He held me against my will with a shotgun

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Rear view of a woman holding the curtains open to look out of a large light window at home.
Why can't I move on?

I know. I had to read that again, too.

Beautiful Jerimie wrote to me about the guy she's having trouble letting go of and moving on from when she still believes he's the love of her life.

Read on for her story!

Good morning Jane,

This may be a bit long, even maybe a chapter book or short story 🙂 I'll try to keep it to the minimum...

I met Brett November 14, 2014. He has the most brilliant sky blue eyes you'd ever seen. However, what made me fall in love (first time ever) was his stupid half smile with his sideways glance. Omg! That did it for me.

We were just going to hook up for one night.

I had recently been fired from my job (also first time ever) and I just needed a little stress relieving sex. He stayed the night and I went to my "new" job after I left him a cup of coffee on the nightstand and told him to take his time and we'd text later.

I got home after work and to my surprise he pulled up behind me in my driveway. Jumped out and came and opened my door and leaned in for a welcome home kiss. I was shocked! I frantically started thinking..."Ok Jer, relax don't get your hopes up. Be cool! Just be cool!"Continue Reading

My calls are all filling up with THIS!

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A heartbroken woman with her head in her hands, wondering how do I let go?
I see this all the time on my calls.

What's keeping you up at night? What are you most afraid of?

This is what's showing up on my calls - the fears behind the fears, the things that keep you up at night.

You find me for so many different reasons but it's usually your heartbreak over yet another guy that finally cracks everything open so you can see what's been wrong for a long, long time.

That's what I'm hearing from you right now.

Everything that's wrong in the world - in your world - and in the future as far as you can see ahead.

How will anything change? How can anything be different when it's been this way for already too long?

How do I find hope? How do I stop feeling so lonely?

How do I make my life over? Is it just too late for me?Continue Reading

Is this you?

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sad woman walking on the city street at sunset
You mean I have a voice?

If you've never had someone model boundaries for you, if you've never learned how to find your own voice - and use it, there's something you need to know about finding it.

It's not easy. It won't feel natural. And you'll wonder if it's okay to have discovered this at all.

See, no one ever tells you how uncomfortable, how completely out of your comfort zone it’s going to be for you to learn a new language that includes the “I” statements you’ve never learned.

“I feel”.

“I need”.

“I want”.

“I hear”.

“I know”.

“I am”.

“I’m not”.

The list goes on and on.Continue Reading

It's so hard to move on

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A beautiful woman covers her face with her hands because she is feeling afraid and lonely.
How can he make me feel like a crumbling mess?

Susan wrote to me the most heart wrenching letter about how hard it is to let go and move on. I knew what's she going through would resonate with so many of you. Been here?

Here's her story:

Omgosh Jane. How do you do it?

How did you know exactly what I'm suffering right now? Silently painfully and occasionally voicing to few who harshly shut me down with comments that make me feel even worse about myself than I already do.

I should know better, you have been through this before why are you allowing or being so foolish. You should never cry over a man - what's wrong with you. We always thought you had more sense and you're so weak and making a fool of yourself, he doesn't want you don't you see.

Of course I see and don't they know I yell at myself over and over until I can't stand to be in my own body and I have deserted and loathe my own self for allowing myself to go through this.

We don't talk anymore and he cut me off.Continue Reading

If you're ready to give up, read this first

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A beautiful woman is frazzled because she can't seem to get over a breakup.
Let go. Let it all go.

If you're ready to give up, I'll give up with you.

I'll stand beside you, I'll be right there with you. You won't be alone. We'll do this together.

You don't have to try so hard anymore. You don't have to keep the struggle alive.

The fact that it's so much of a struggle at all is telling you something.

Let go. Let it all go.

Turn it over to God or the Universe or some higher power that's always partnering WITH you for what's best FOR you.

Stop trying so hard. Start over.

A roof over your head. Food & water. Heat and cooling. It's Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. You start with the basics. Physical/physiological needs.

Safety. Security. Within yourself. From you, not anyone else. You can't have the rest without making sure you have those.

Now you're ready to make a plan to get all your other needs met. You're here, now. Stay with me.Continue Reading

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