We say too much.
They pull back, they pull away.
We stop talking.
We've learned.
We don't say enough.
They call us boring.
We start saying more.
We've learned.
But what have we really learned except how to pay even closer attention than we already do, to what they say, what they don't say, how they respond, how they don't respond?
To the high self-esteemed among us, what they learn is something very different from what we learn.
They learn these aren't their people and they learn to find some other kind of people instead.
WE learn something very different.
We learn to try harder, to tone ourselves down, to be less of ourselves, to be more like someone else, so the same ones we're calling "rejecting" us will accept us the second time around if we present ourselves differently.
We're learning the wrong thing someone told us long ago was the right thing.
Pleasing.
And it doesn't lead to anything ever resembling love.
Because you only learned to please. You never learned to love!
Is this you? Type "yes" in the comments below. I want to show every one of you that you're not alone. We change this together!
Love,
Jane
Yed
Yes!!
Yes
Yes
Yes
Yes
Yes
Yes
Yes, this is me always.
Yes
Yes
🙋🏻♀️
Yes
Yes.
YES!
Yes. Wow I never thought of it quite this way. Learning to pay attention... 'we really learned how to pay even closer attention than we already do, to what they say, what they don't say, how they respond, how they don't respond'
Yes!
YES
This got me today
Yes. It is like a superpower. A very toxic superpower. A skill so ingrained it is a reflex.
If I were a superhero I would be Pander-woman.
yes, you hit the nail on the head
Yes!
Oh, how this resonates with exactly what I would do. It's not working it's gotta be something with me? What could I change what did I do wrong , yes those questions ran through my mind.
Speaking from experience not just the 2nd go around yes a 3rd maybe a 4th I can't give up no way that means I failed!
No!!!
I have learned the above statements are the lies that kept me stuck.
I have taken the time to step back and pull back those blinders and ask myself those questions what have I learned? What is the benefit? If I'm truly honest is the person in front of me really meeting my desires my criteria? It is taken some time but yes I like to please people I like to do things for people. I am now making sure I'm asking and honestly answering those tough questions it's time to stand firm give myself that big big bear hug and say girl you got this, it is OK to say no stand up and say I am worth it !!
Thank you Jane you asked the questions that need to be answered I thank you so much, I can now say I am Learning to enjoy and Embrace this journey And really loving me. I'm looking forward to what's next PA PA!!!!!!!
Yes, oh Yes
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So true!
Yes
No! Not even slightly! It's so interesting to see this from the other side now. I'm gay, and a gal I've been seeing behaves exactly like this. Tries way too hard. Hangs on everything I say. It's too much drama, and I can't respect her. She's not my person. Now I'm trying to figure out a tactful way of telling her that - because I've been there myself, and I know how tough this is. Any ideas Jane?
Start with what you just said -
I've been there myself, and I know how tough this is ...
Yes
Totally
Yes
Yes