How do I get someone I actually want?

Do you know what kind of energy you're putting out into the world when you're looking for someone to love you?

Most of us don't realize just how much the type of energy we give off matters, or that we can change it if we're not finding what we're looking for.

This is what Jodi wrote in to ask me about, without even realizing it was what was keeping her from finding what she was actually looking for!

Here's what she wrote:

Well, after all I've been through, Jane, I've ended up single. Now I'm missing the times I've had when a guy told me I'm his and protects me and such.

Now I'm just left thinking to myself about what I want and can't get.

So I guess this is what my question comes down to: How do I get someone I actually want?

- Jodi

My Response:

Focus on this for a moment, Jodi - what if you didn't need to feel protected or owned? What if you could protect yourself and define yourself ... without a man?

Who would you be?

What would your life look like?

What would you do?

See, the energy you put out into the world based on your intentions underneath the surface are precisely what someone picks up on. And if your energy says I want to belong to someone, and I need someone who will protect me, you're going to find someone whose radar is looking for someone he can own and someone he can control. That's the reality of the guy who's looking for these same things.

And while there's nothing wrong with wanting to belong to someone and wanting him to protetct you, it sure begs the question of WHY you want to enmesh yourself so deeply with someone that you belong to him, and WHAT is so scary to you that you need protection from?

You've ended up single because these men haven't wanted the same thing as you - they haven't been on the same page as you. It's hard to see it, I know, but it's actually a good thing! Having looked for men myself who I could belong to and would protect me, and seeing the results I got with my energy being spent specifically on finding those, I'm pretty sure you dodged a bullet here.

You've been spared being with someone long-term who wasn't right for you!

I've got another really important question for you because clarity and the accompanying energy that comes from you around that clarity, are the two most important factors in finding that guy you actually want.

If you take away the need to feel protected and someone's lady, what are you really looking for?

What qualities? What matters in the long-term?

Look for that.

Be that beautiful, soft but strong woman you really are who offers an intellectual and beautiful connection to a man worthy of you - and not someone who's looking for his property. That's when you will find yourself attracting a different type of man who will be someone who you really want.

It's first all about getting clear for yourself. The energy that attracts what you in turn become clear on will come so much more naturally when you're clear on who you want in the first place.

If you're not getting this, sit with it. Let it sink in slowly until something resonates with you and then see what comes up for you. Who is someone who would be different than the men you've been with?

And then do something for me: don't beat yourself up for being here. Don't feel like a failure. All this has done is serve as a wake-up call to get you thinking about who you're attracting and why there's such a disconnect between who you want and what you've been getting. There isn't anything wrong with you that you're still single; it's just because there's been a disconnect between who you think you've wanted, and who your heart and soul has always known you've been looking for!

I hope this helps!

Love,

Jane

Is this a question you're asking, too? How do I get someone I actually want? Been here? Tell Jodi what has or hasn't been working for you in the comments below!