Think about this.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you stopped spending so much time with people you have to prove yourself good enough for, and instead went where you're wanted & accepted just as you are?
Read that again.
Wouldn't that make life so much easier and so much better, too?
There's no benefit to be derived from trying to prove you're good enough with people who couldn't care less about you. None at all.
It's only because you feel you have to or you're somehow lacking - and that's on you and your programming. The way you've been conditioned, not anything grounded in real, practical, reality. No logic in the world says to spend time with people who make your life harder in order to make your life easier!
Tell me why you're doing this. Right here, what's your reason?
Why? Because it matters.
More than you know.
Love,
Jane
i did it because it was with the person i was in love with and at certain things between he and i feel strong connection but all other areas to do with kids was not easy!
because it's comfortable and I don't want to hurt his feelings (though he does not seem to have a second thought about hurting mine). I feel I just don't know how to say no, maybe I fear the backlash - not physical, only verbal questioning - almost pleading and then putting himself down - makes me feel like a terrible person.....
When we're apart, I'm fine and tell myself I'm not going to accept his request to spend time together again, but I end up going along.... every time...
Always about the backlash, BK. You obviously care - beyond just doing what's comfortable. Makes me wonder if the only problem here is with you accepting you don't want to say no, that you want to say yes. Ever considered this?
I always seem to pick men that are emotionally unavailable... and that have strong narcissistic personality traits....
They always show strong interest in me at the beginning and then the Games begin...!
And being 64 years old now doesn’t make finding a caring loving man very easy... I am almost abandoning the idea of finding a loving caring man to share my life with...
So glad you said almost, Joanne. We haven't given up on you yet! 😉
Because I’ve been in love with him almost my whole life
What if you accepted that? Could you?
My 30 year old daughter. She treats me terribly overall. Her father, my late husband, died of lung cancer 8 years ago.
She is my only child. I am her only living parent. She got married in Hawaii last week. I wasn’t invited. Due to having cancelled her bells and whistle destination wedding in Hawaii due to Covid, she made her wedding into a “friend’s trip.”
She said I wouldn’t “fit in.” I bough her a $3,000 custom silk designer wedding gown that I will never see her wear. Except in photos.
This situation breaks my heart. I understand that she has emotional issues. Still, it hurts to be treated this way by my only child who I love very much.
The worst kind of hurt, Karen. I'm so sorry. This is so much someone very close to me's story too and requires some real getting out of your own way into her shoes that is just about the hardest thing you'll ever choose to do. Much love to you!
Because it's something I'm used to doing. I know it's wrong, but it's comfortable because it's what I'm used to.
Is there a way to make it right in your eyes, Renee, instead of wrong? Because if you're going to choose him, at least if you own your choice, you won't add the shame to it that makes your original choice seem like something you had no control over. But didn't you, and don't you still?
I have been so weak in wanting to receive "real" love from men, that I will compromise myself just to receive whatever it is that they offer. It is not real love, rather they want to use me for one thing, rather than invest time and energy into me. I have done so much giving, and by doing this I have become weary and my cup is dry.
I am learning to value myself more-not to compromise myself for any man, and to speak what I want and am looking for. I am learning that I deserve to be given to, just as much as I am willing to give. And if a guy is not willing to invest time and energy into me, he is not the one.
I want to stand out from the rest, and be the strong, confident woman I once was. I am celebrating the small successes with this and learning not to beat myself up so much when I get it wrong. Learn from my mistakes and push forward-Be myself and love myself.
You're onto something here, Ashley. So proud of you! The beating yourself up is worse than anything else you've been doing!
I do it not because I’m trying to prove myself but because when I’m with him I feel special. He doesn’t make me feel special but my feelings for him do. There doesn’t seem to be anything which can compare?
So what if you accepted this reality you've just described here, Cate, instead of looking for something that compares?
Good Morning, Jane,
How are you? I love getting your emails - they have been a tremendous eye opener.
To answer your question, I do not know why I have, in the past, tried to prove myself to people who don’t care about me. That having been said, moving forward, I do not do that anymore. I surround myself with people who care about me and accept me for who I am.
Thank you so very much! Have a wonderful day.
Lizzie xoxo
Aw thank you, Lizzie. I'm so glad I'm keeping you on your toes! Be proud of yourself for seeing how far you've come. ❤
You’re sooo right. I spend altogether too much energy trying to prove myself to a man who swears he loves me, but it’s obvious he only loves the way I love him... AND... to be honest... I can’t even remember the reasons why anymore...
Yes, you do, but it's okay because you can't change what you don't first see and it sounds like you are seeing this loud and clear. I'm here with you, Catey! Been there too many times myself!