You're too kind for him, too compassionate for him, too understanding for him, too good for him, Girl.
Sure, he needs every bit of what you've got to offer him, but he's giving you nothing in return that's even close to what you're offering him. And yet all you're doing is justifying why those crumbs are worth you.
Stop justifying. Stop making excuses. Start looking at what's right there in front of you; the facts you already know.
Yes, I know. Facts are boring. Reality isn't exciting. And this one's potential offers so much more hope than anyone else you've been with so far.
Is crying yourself to sleep exciting? Is waiting for someone to come around exciting?
Is living in the future or the past because the present is too painful, the way you pictured love was going to be?
I meet way too many of you under the worst kind of circumstances, scraping the barrel for whatever crumbs you can still get from him. I see it so clearly for you because you can't see it when he's still all you can think about or cry about - but I'll tell you this.
I've been right there where I couldn't see it either and one of these days, just like me, you're going to see it so clearly too.
Oh girl, ask yourself this; is he really worth what you're putting yourself through?
I’ve been waiting for crumbs for 17 years. I was raising two daughters alone when we met, and I couldn’t ask for help, b/c he had two kids with two different women.
He comes and he goes. And I feel lost.
It doesn't matter when we stop waiting for crumbs, Barbara, it only matters that we do. We all have our reasons; there's no shame in acknowledging - and accepting - that you had yours. Grace. You deserve it for you, too.
This is all me! It is like you are in my head. I am amazed!
Just one of the places I hang out, Pam. 🙂 Glad it resonated with you!
He'll text me a three to six word text once a day. That is not sweet or romantic. I think to just keep me hanging on? Should I move on or what? I am in love. I just want him to be himself when we started dating.
I can show you a thousand women who just wanted him to be the same guy he was in the beginning and hung on for years to find out he was never going to be that guy again, Carra. If you want that guy, this isn't him. This is the three to six word text once a day guy. If that's not the one you want, he's not your guy.
You talk as though i have my choice of men. We have to put up with crap because there are so many beautiful women out there and about a tenth of that great guys. It is either date and try to be attracted to losers or be alone forever. Maybe you had a choice but I dont.
Oh Jeanne, how my heart goes out to you. I can only imagine what you've been through to give you only these two options. You NEVER have to put up with crap! No matter how beautiful you are or how many men you have to choose from, EVERY woman feels that competition and BELIEVES she has to put up with what she does until she realizes this is just another part of our cultural programming. I know it feels easier to just believe this is the way it is but it's not. Don't settle for that. There's something more to be found in between this kind of black or white thinking for you!
I'm shocked to receive this email. I've been in so much distress & emotional turmoil over the last week due to being completely blocked & ignored by the man who only the week before made me feel he had genuine feelings for me & who also gave me so much confidence that I had his attention & he cared about me. Borderline Personality Disorder
I should have read up on this earlier but now his extreme & heightened insecurity & perception of me & our interactions make sense. Almost word for word the symptoms were exactly what had occurred. I've tried my best to get thru to him & expressed my feeling honestly & openly I gave it one more shot last night to apologise for anything negative on my part & to try make amends & tell him how much I appreciated having him in my life as a friend if nothing more. No response & no acknowledgement. Usually Id be angry & threaten to confront him face to face considering he wasn't mature enough to understand that ignoring someone who cares about you is a form of abuse with the same trauma of being physically hurt. In this day & age its unacceptable & there's no excuse - be real, stop avoiding the truth & deal with it like an adult - so much easier & less hurtful when your honest & just say - I'm not happy or I don't want anything to do with you ever again. Done & dusted. Too easy. Move on.
He's incapable of seeing you, Ky. Don't let this sit on you. This isn't about you.
I love him too, if his ready to make things work between us
That's a pretty important if, Adeniyi. I'm sure you love him, too.
Been seeing him for 8 months. He waited 1 1/2 months for sex. He was with a girl shortly before she went to prison. She got out he picked her up and they had sex. She messaged me on FB. He lied at first. Then said how much he missed me cuz I told him to leave and I didn't want to talk. He begged me for another chance. He really liked me. Next day he's blowing me off...find out he's with her..she messaged again. We kept it to ourselves. He lied straight to my face. I want to confront him and make him squirm. I don't trust him now. What can we do?
He's showing you what he's capable of, CJ. Confronting him will only make him run away because he's already running from the shame, but if it makes you feel better, you have to do what you can live with. It won't change him. But it may reveal more of who he is to make your next steps clearer to you. What can "we" do? First, make sure he's part of that "we" because this doesn't sound like someone who's acting like this is his second chance. If you can accept him instead of confront him you'll have much more likely a chance at keeping him, but that's the question. Can you honestly accept him?
Ouch, that was a pure wake up call and timing for me to read this.
Hurts to realize 💔 what I continue to not want to see because I enjoy him when we spend time.
It always hurts, Jorie. I'm so sorry you saw him in this. But to see what you don't want to see shows courage and strength and that isn't lost here. If it didn't hurt, you wouldn't be you, with so much love to give to someone who will actually be deserving of you!
Thank you so much for today's wisdom! I know why I do it, but I also know I need to stop! 3 years of heartbreak is more than enough! I'm upset with myself for believing lies! No more breadcrumbs for me! I'm stepping up for myself. Others will have to follow.
If you follow what you can live with, Debbie, and listen to your own heart and not what anyone else tells you to do, you can hold your head up high at the end of the day knowing you've done everything you could with someone you love. Own everything about your feelings for him and why you've stayed those 3 years. Don't be ashamed of any of it. You gave it your all and that's the only way most of us ever move on without regrets!
No. Its not worth it. It’s a hurtful disappointing investment in a dead end situation.
If you’re hurting now.. it will not get better. Lesson learned the very hard way.
It’s not supposed to be painful. It’s supposed to make us secure and happy. And if not.. what for? More pain.
Wise words, Isabelle. Sounds like you've been here before, girl. My heart goes out to you too.
Wow! The timing of this! I’m having the worst time recovering from my heart being ripped out! This has happened more than once! First with my ex Husband! Than with a boyfriend I was in love with. How do you move on when you can’t talk to them and get closure? That’s the worst part for me!
You accept they're incapable of giving you that closure because then they would have to take responsibility for the role they played and that's precisely what they're running from, Lynn! The more you try, the more they resist. It's the worst part for most of us because it denies us our explanation that would allow us to finally move on. He knows that too! See this for what it is, someone who doesn't have the capacity to give anything to you - even when you're in pain. Can you imagine being with someone like this long-term?!
You read me exactly how I was thinking, but how? I can’t stop thinking about him, and when he walked out another potential man walked in and offered me everything I want that very night. He wants to take it slow, and I know he has better everything to offer. But how do I get over this man?
I’m having the same issue! And my heart hurts so bad!!
So sorry for what you're going through, Lynn. My heart goes out to you!
One day at a time. I know it sounds cliche, but you're always going to be comparing new guy to the one who walked away because even more than love, we want to know we're worth staying with. He's worth more in your eyes through the lens you were programmed to look through. See him for who he is - a guy who's not on the same page as you who hasn't done his own work if the option he chose was to leave you by simply walking away. Take it slow. In time, you're going to know!
Wow. Receiving this in my email today, blew me away. My sister and I just talked about accepting crumbs or unacceptable behavior from anyone, last night. I'm still learning to stand my ground and teach people how I want to be treated. So far, I'm losing people in my life because they refuse to respect my beliefs and values. Including the man I thought I loved. Thanks for the pearls of wisdom.
You're so welcome, Joy. We lose those ones first. Then we gain the good ones!
So spot on- ! Trying to heal & move on after being used & lied to…
Can’t believe how gullible I was & how much it hurts my heart— NEVER will I get intimate right away with another man😡it’s SO dangerous & simply foolish—
Save the judgment on yourself but take the lesson you've learned here, Margaret. We all learn things the hard way. You've got enough judgement on yourself to add any more on you.
Thank you I appreciate your comments and they are all so true. I’m starting to know my worth snd value. I deserve much better
So glad, Teresa. That's the most valuable thing you'll ever learn - your worth.