There's a trail of messages behind you.
Too emotional. Too sensitive. Too heavy. Too deep.
Too this. Too that.
Too much is what you hear.
Not enough is what you feel.
I know this, because this is what I felt, too. We all do, they're different for each one of us, but they're there.
From the beginnings of our childhood to the throes of our most complicated relationships, we’ve learned so much about ourselves. Or have we?
What have we really learned except how someone else chooses to see us? What do we really know except how someone views us through their own particular filtered lens?
It colors our world.
It’s nothing short of a tragedy how you allow their words, their thoughts, their treatment of you to color your life – and the world you see around yourself.
Oh how you allow yourself to be defined by the very ones who should be the last ones given the privilege of putting anything on you!
And yet this is how it’s been from the beginning. Until this trail that’s been left behind you has now become you.
It follows you everywhere, seeping in through every area of your life, reflecting back to you a you that isn’t really you.
How can it be you? This was his version of you. That was her version of you. It was their version of you.
So who is the real you?
And yet this is the place where your greatest work will be done. To love the part of you they saw. To love this part of you that they judged is where the core of your “aha” moment lies.
To accept. To embrace. Yes, even to change if that’s what you really want to do with it.
But in love, not hate. With compassion, not loathing.
This is the life-changing work that begins the moment you see the trail for what it is, for what it was, and what we unwittingly allow it to be.
Take what you need from what he said, what she said, what they said that you made your own.
Keep the part that fits, shake off the part that doesn’t. Give back what was never yours to begin with.
You can never be too much or not enough for someone who is truly right for you; remember that truth and make it your own.
Let go of this trail and instead create a choice. One where you choose what you want to keep and what you want to change.
Make this one your own, not anyone else’s. This isn’t about what was done to you, but what you choose to do with it.
We become aware of these hidden parts of us only as they are revealed through the eyes of another. That’s the gift, Beautiful, even though it’s the last thing you’ll ever think you want.
Thank you Jane, so very much! Your words are spot on. I am still working on letting go of the judgments made against me by friends and family after a six year battle with major depression. I didn't know if I could ever work again or be loved again. I am now in the process of making a new life in a new city and state, and am slowly digging myself out of negativity. It's an uphill battle, but I know I am a survivor, and will ultimately have what I deserve. I have already met a new man who I feel is a soul mate, and he treats me better than I ever would have expected. Now I need to find some rewarding work, so I don't have to live paycheck to paycheck. And I DO own some of what others have been telling me about myself. The work to be authentic yet accountable is difficult, and you definitely helped me with this post. Thank you!!!
Hello
I'm sue an I've been lonely an broken for 2yrs without my exBF
I thought I could treat him anyway I wanted bc he needed me ha ha I kicked him out only to not have him come back this time
We lived together for 4yrs an was ever happy
Until his kids got in r lives
Now he has been gone for 2yrs but we stay in touch on an off he is drinking again but knows he can't come back into my life unless he stops drinking
I miss an cry for this man Ever Day bc I don't want to b alone an we had a love I had never felt before only with him
I have search the Internet for two years and I am very thankful I found Jane she really does understand so I really need to get into her program and see if I can get my ex-boyfriend that but like the old saying goes this is not his first rodeo and we are older
I understand what you're saying Jane, all too well. You're right. You have to make a choice. You have to choose that you are worthy of being loved, you have to choose someone that wants the same things you do and who treats you right. This can be harder for a lot of us because most of us associate love with pain I think, because of what we have experienced in our families. If members of our own family treat us bad while telling us they love us, of course we're going to think that's normal in our romantic relationships as well. We have to break that cycle. I not only want to break that cycle for me but for my future children as well. So they can learn what love really is at a younger age. Thank you so much Jane you are really helping me break this cycle with your emails and weekly blogs. I'm sure you've helped many other women as well.
So true, Charlotte. When we do, it changes and affects everything. I'm honored to be here with you. Thank you. I'm so glad you're here.
I don't know how or where b to begin....! My story beginswith my alleged father leaving my mom, my younger sister and me for another woman. According to my mom I had been walking, but when he left I stopped walking for some reason. I have no memory of this, though. This apparently colored my ffuture relationshipsewithmen. They steal my heart, ttheybreak my heart and then stab me in
These hurts run so deep, Shirley. I'm so sorry for what you've been through. Give back what isn't yours. Don't put that on yourself anymore. See something different. Take your own power back. Let the change, let the breaking of the cycle begin with you. Let your beautiful heart only be open to someone who is truly worthy of you!
Wow
How so true that we let others' opinion be my truth.
If there is anyone to define or authenticate me- it's is and should always be God my maker.
Let's all do the garbage in garbage out excercise - perhaps that's another reason we have two ears.. What is unpleasant coming in one ear can be let out through the other
Exactly, Connie!
If us women learned about the Jungian interpretation of the myths, especially the myth of Amor and Psyche, we'd get much comfort. We are the nurturers and we light the way for the men in our lives, and it is a gentle light.
When we as women embrace our mature illusion-free womanhood we'll stop competing with men, and we'll have confidence that they will gravitate towards us and that the correct man will come along.
Nobody wanted to marry beautiful Psyche, and after many trials mortal Psyche married a god and became a goddess. But she went through much suffering on her path to immortality (individuation or mature womanhood free of illusions).
Beautifully said, France. Thank you for sharing!