Getting to TRUE Love

Finding your YOU that leads to TWO

  • Categories
    • Relationships
    • Dating
    • Finding Love
    • Single Life
    • Inspiration
  • Programs
  • Work With Me
  • Contact Me
  • About

That guy you lost? Here's why you can't stop thinking about him!

Leave a Comment

A woman is upset, with her head in her hands, because her boyfriend says he wants a break.
This is why you can't let it go.

You know that guy you used to have? The one you lost? The one you think you were too much for, too needy with, or not enough of what he actually wanted you to be?

Yeah, that one.

He's gone now, right?

And you're sitting here, going back over every last conversation in your head. Every text, every message, every nuance. Until the very last one.

Blaming yourself. Beating yourself up. Ruminating over and over and over again.

It's not your fault.

But you're back here because whenever something painful like this happens, you make it your fault. You take the blame. You put it on you. You make it about what you should have done instead. It's what you do with painful things like this because it's all you've ever known to do.

But it's not your fault. It's that whatever familiar painful experience you went through that's being triggered in you here was only made traumatic and triggering BECAUSE you were assigned the role of it somehow being your fault.

Someone else, someone with power in an authoritative position over you, shirked their own responsibility for what happened and projected that onto you.

And you took it on you because you had to. You didn't have a choice, you were powerless not to.

Whatever that was that happened to you, when all those familiar feelings come rushing back because he's gone, you've lost him again, the familiar feeling that it's your fault and you could have done something to stop it, brings you right back here again.

That's why you can't let it go.

That's why you keep ruminating over it. Not because it happened at all, but because the responsibility for it - the blame - was put onto you. And now you're doing it to yourself again.

Different guy. Different situation. Same exact pattern.

Something bad happens you didn't want to happen and it's your fault. Painful experience made traumatic, bringing you right back to that little girl who actually was powerless to change it, and insert the blame.

Not your fault, girl. Not your fault. A relationship takes two. You weren't compatible, weren't on the same page. He's who he is, and you're you. You couldn't keep pretending anymore and that's why it all came out.

But you're not powerless anymore. Recognizing this is what gives you your power back.

See this pattern?

See how this keeps playing out over and over again. Go back and look at all those things you can't let go of. See how this pattern persists?

The worst thing is, it's conditioned, programmed, positively reinforced enough it's become ingrained in your neural pathways in your brain so that whenever something goes wrong, you've been perfectly programmed to blame yourself.

It's instinctive now.

Something happens, you feel the guilt/shame i.e. responsibility of it because that's all you've been programmed to do and you do it perfectly.

What was an objective "this happened" - 'the event" becomes 'my fault', 'my mess up', 'my blind spot', 'my responsibility' and we're right back there accepting the blame all over again.

See how this runs so deep?

The practical "It is what it is" doesn't apply to us when it is what it is BECAUSE we believe it was somehow our fault.

How so we change this?

Whenever you feel that sinking awful feeling in your gut or that headache pops up, ask yourself why. And then look at what you're feeling the weight of the responsibility for that's become literally second nature for you.

If someone else programmed you with THEIR responsibility by putting it onto you, that's you carrying it for them, not your responsibility doing the right thing recognizing this is yours to account for.

No! Shake it off you.

Don't minimize your pain. Feel it all. Let it all out.

Cry those tears. Feel that rage rising within you. Just ask for what you need from even just one person who loves you, who sees you, who cares about you.

This isn't on you, girl. We've learned to take it on. Now we learn to let it go!

Want to learn more about bringing him in closer (instead of him pulling away)?  Join our mailing list by clicking the button below, and I'll send you my complimentary video and E-book "4 Proven Ways to Make Him ADORE You (Like He's Never Adored Anyone Before!)"

Get Me Started!

Filed Under: Finding Love Tagged With: blame, break the cycle, break up, breakup, getting over a break up, heartbreak, loss, programming, self blame

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR MAILING LIST AND I’LL SEND YOU THIS GIFT!

Make Him Adore You Send me the video!

Programs

About Jane Garapick

Hi, I'm Jane Garapick. I'm here to provide inspiration, support and empowerment on the journey to true love. I know what it’s like to have a broken heart, a broken dream, and a broken you. And I know for a fact, that your dreams can still come true! Read more...
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • RSS
  • Twitter
  • YouTube

Join Me On Facebook!

Getting to True Love

Popular Posts

A man telling a woman he just wants to be friends. They are standing in a park on a path, out of focus, with the camera looking through branches.

He Just Wants To Be Friends

A beautiful woman is being hugged

Will He Ever Want a Committed Relationship? 3 Signs He Might

If you've let him know that you expect the same level of commitment from him that you've given him, and he can't give you the commitment that you're looking for, then there’s only one thing for you to do. A clock is showing that it's time to move on.

Your Best Response When You're Not Getting the Commitment You Want

A beautiful woman is looking at her ex boyfriend with his new girlfriend, wondering why he wouldn't commit to her.

Why He'll Commit to Her, But Not to You

Attractive young woman awaits a phone call. wondering why he hasn't called.

The Worst Thing You Can Do When He Hasn't Called

You're the one who really has tried everything to get him to come around and fully commit. You're the one who's given him more than enough time to come around and finally make the commitment . A beautiful woman is upset that her boyfriend won't give her the commitment she wants.

The Worst Thing You Can Do When He Won't Commit

A beautiful woman looks at her phone wondering why he hasn't called.

The REAL Reason He Hasn’t Called

A beautiful woman is upset because of the way her boyfriend treats her as he watches TV.

Why He Treats You the Way He Does

Image of a man who looks like a player showing signs he's not into you.

14 Warning Signs That He’s Not That in to You

Green freeway sign with Commitment written on it.

7 Things I've Learned About Men Who Are Afraid Of Commitment

As Seen On…

Latest Tweets

Tweets by @JaneGarapick

Recent Comments

  • Emma Verhoog on The Difference Between Giving Up Too Soon and Giving Up Too Much
  • Jin on Three Things You Can Do When He’s Getting Emotionally Distant
  • stavkapro on Your Best Response When You're Not Getting the Commitment You Want
  • Turning Your YouTube Channel Into a Cash Flow. on The REAL Reason He Hasn’t Called
  • Snehal on My Boyfriend Fell Out of Love With Me
  • Nancy on Am I the Problem?

Calendar

September 2022
M T W T F S S
 1234
567891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
2627282930  
« Jul   Dec »

Copyright © 2025· Getting to True Love, LLC · All rights reserved · Privacy Policy · Refund Policy · Terms of Service

We use cookies to ensure you receive the best experience on our website. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are okay with our terms :)Got it!