"You're just too nice for me, I was always afraid you were too nice for me. I like you so much, but I didn't feel it strong enough, something was missing."
My blood was boiling before I had even finished reading her full comment on my website.
No, don't turn it back on her. Don't make it about her being too nice. That's a bunch of BS!
You, (insert the name here of whoever's said the same thing to you) - this isn't about her, it's about you!
You're the coward. You're the one who won't do your own work.
You're the one who refuses to wake up from your own convenient programming that insists it's all about finding the "perfect" woman and that's the piece that's missing and then you'll magically have this complete perfect relationship that will make everything so easy for you!
No, don't hide behind that BS! That's NOT the way relationships work.
You don't get to be with someone for 6 months who's "too nice", afraid she's too nice the whole time, while you're playing the field, sleeping with someone else - "but it doesn't mean anything" - and then dropping the bomb that you "don't feel it strong enough."
Or, worse - "something's missing", when you don't have a clue what it means to have a real relationship where you actually put some real effort into it beyond expecting it not to jolt you awake to do your own work and grab a clue yourself when you've got an angel right there in front of you who's the nicest thing you're ever going to be lucky enough to get!
You know what you say to this guy? Try again asshole. Try again to do something different for a change.
Sure, you're trying. Sure you want to be a better guy who deserves someone you could only hope to have like this if she wasn't such a believer in what the power of love can do. But being that better guy means looking at yourself in the mirror for once and seeing why someone could ever be too nice for you unless there's something more YOU need to do!
Not her, you.
Sure, she'll figure this out. Enough of this kind of heartbreak will teach anyone to stop giving guys like you a chance.
But you're the problem here, going from woman to woman hoping to finally find the one that's right for you not because you're the right guy for any woman until you wake the hell up, but because you hope to find someone who finally stands up to you!
You know what else you'll get when she stands up to you? A door that slams shut in front of you.
She's gone.
That one you meet who you won't be able to manipulate with all the right moves in the beginning without anything long-term sustainable underneath might actually be the one you see as the challenge and you try to play your usual game with her.
But it won't work because in the end, there's nothing like a woman who knows her worth and won't be played to slam that door in your face.
That's what you take from this, sweet soul who had to deal with the fallout from losing a guy like this. You know who you are.
You know what was the most therapeutic thing I ever did? Turned my own "you're too nice for me" conversation into a phone call where I finally said what was really on my mind - "Go to hell, asshole. You don't get to treat me like this. You were lucky to have me and you're never going to have the chance to ever have someone as good as me again!"
He didn't. And I got someone so much better than he ever pretended to be. That's what you deserve!
Sending you so much love today! You're not broken. You're waking up!
Love,
Jane
Been here? Did someone say these words to you? Tell us what he said in the comments!
Thanks so much for responding Jane! Yes, that was my story I submitted to you. I really needed to hear your affirming words. I almost started to feel like I was going crazy, like being nice and having integrity isn't sexy enough?! Lol. I am happy I found out who he is now than later down the road. As days and weeks go by I am feeling stronger. I am starting week 3 in your Love Steps ❤
I appreciate all you do 🥰
Stacey
So glad you got my message here, Stacey. There's so much more where that came from in my Love Steps program - enjoy! 🙂
That’s exactly what was done to me he manipulated me and used me saying he didn’t wanna relationship but all the time he was in a relationship while having sex with me….
That's the problem, Marsine. We take the "wait and see" attitude when someone tells us they're not ready or don't want a relationship and you end up waiting and seeing all the while he's out doing whatever he wants. Then, because he told you he didn't want a relationship, he absolves himself of feeling any responsibility for you!
OMG! Marsine I so hope it’s not the same guy!?! Well you met another sufferer, in the same boat. Can you believe that guy? I mean really, what is so wrong with being honest, being yourself, and trusting someone? I feel for somebody that goes thru great extremes to be so evil. I mean there’s not enough evil for their evil to survive, it’s seems like a waste of time to go through people like they are toilet paper and he’s got nothing to show for it? Seems stupid and ridiculous on his part, I just think he’s dumb. I’m somewhat attractive and intelligent. I guess he missed that part being consumed with hisself. Why would you sleep around playing Russian roulette with your body? If this guy is any indication of how the world views relationships in this day and age, I pass. I met him, I’m sure I’ll meet somebody new in the future. Don’t let what this guy does change your disposition. Never. Like I said he’s the dumb one for refusing to see somebody beautiful right in front of him and he could care less but deceive that same person into having sex with them ? Think about it, does he seriously need to act like this to get laid? I guess you gotta feel sorry for the guy who obviously has no skills in communication and wants you to guess all the time. Get real, grow up and act like a decent person. Is it really that hard? Seriously?
Ok, I went out with this guy I met on a dating site. He seemed great at first. I couldn’t believe he wasn’t taken!?! So I guess that should have been my first clue. We met, got to know each other and we saw each other for months. I never suspected he was like he was. It was really just a “casual” friendship nothing really too serious. But he would prolong the affair and prolong it. Each time I tried to just have a honest talk with him, I was met with lies and manipulation. I finally tried one last time, as clear as I could be, and he tells me to find someone else. In other words the whole 11 months he saw me he was just using me and trying to get me to do all kinds of stuff for him. But when I ask for a simple conversation you tell me that? Well I will find someone else that is not you! I would love to see what karma has in store for him, but that’s ok I’ll be fine.
I love this! I have had so many guys say this to me. And I wish I could have said then what you just said. But I couldn’t and boy did I feel like it. I blamed myself so much and even to this day my friend says guys like women to treat them like they don’t care. But I can’t see me being with someone and treating them like I don’t care because I would never do that to someone I care about. You’re right though a million percent it’s them, they think that they’re so great and will find the perfect woman and she’s going to be so lucky to have him. Yea right! And nowadays they don’t even have the nerve to say anything they just disappear. I guess that’s why I just don’t trust being in a relationship. You’re so nice is like being called a doormat. It’s hurtful and I know everyone is not for everyone, but you just gave me back what I lost in those moments when I was told I’m just too nice. I am nice, but if there’s no reason not to be. So now I’m the overthinker and look up every behavior or read into everything too much.
Well, not exactly the same but he said that he is so into me and he when I told him about my insecurities and trusting issues because of my past experiences, he said that he is sure we can overcome those isuues with time. And he asked if there is stg he can do to make himself more credible for me. He also said that he is getting more nervous and careful because he has come so attached to me and he feels he has sth to lose. And that he feels so comfortable with me.
I had a flu and he was so cari g and asked me to call if there is anything that I need help with /support. (because earlier I said that I Will probably be awake the whole night because of fiver). And he asked me to let him know the next morning how I feel. I fell asleep for the night, next morning I wasn't able To send him message. I first thought that it was because he lives In China and there is the internet problem. Now it's been over a week, and he seems to dissappear. Messages don't go through. I sent him a message In dating app where I think he has read it. I expressed that I miss him and he feels special. But I also said that I don't take bullshit.
He has not contacted.
What do you think?
I find it really hard To believe that he was just telling lies to me...? I feel so stupid.