An old acquaintance of mine got married last weekend. I saw her pictures on Facebook and found myself crying right along with her tears in her pictures.
I knew what it must have meant to her.
I knew her well about 5 years ago. My neighbor at the time was her boyfriend, and she lived with him - they were the cutest couple. Now of course he’s her ex – and has been for awhile, but I’ll get to that part in a minute.
I met her when I was first starting my coaching practice– and I couldn’t wait to hear all about how they met!
They had met online, through Facebook, and were perfect together. She was everything he wasn’t and he was everything she wasn’t and together it seemed like they were all of it.
Except, they weren’t.
Because perfect on the outside rarely equals perfect on the inside. Once reality set in, which it has a bad habit of doing at the most inopportune times, their differences were too much for the relationship. That's when she shared the sad news with me that she was leaving our neighborhood.
I’d seen her around town many times since then, and almost every time she’d tell me about a new guy or a new place she’d tried out, a new adventure she’d been on. There was a familiar theme to all of this … the searching, the seeking, the looking for a place to call home.
She’d post pictures from her new life in Thailand and Bali and everywhere else in the world she went.
I was happy for her. I knew she was going to find exactly what she was looking for even if she didn’t know yet what that was.
I opened the door to a canvasser one day and recognized him but not the woman he was with. It was my former neighbor – her ex – with his new girlfriend, and they were going door to door handing out flyers for their favored politician.
She couldn’t be more different than my friend. And yet, the more I talked to them (you know, the important stuff like how they met and everything else except what they were canvassing for!) it became clear they were a much better match for each other than my friend and he had been.
I hadn’t thought about either one of them in a long time. Occasionally they’d come up on social media and I’d see they were traveling again – both of them separately with their new partners, and then he got married again and now, it was her turn.
I’m so happy for her. And her ex, too.
I was friends with both of them and could clearly see the difference between who they were with now and how they got caught up in each other back then. Their new partners couldn’t be more different than their previous ones and rather than that being a sad thing looking back on what could have been, I see it as a hope-inspiring realization for everyone who’s wondered if there’s still someone left for them.
There was never anything wrong with either of them, they were simply with people who didn’t bring out the best in them, where their differences led to more fighting than harmony, and where they were more enamored with the idea of each other than actual real life compatibility.
Just like you wonder if you made a mistake with letting him go, with not trying even harder still with someone you thought was the last guy you’d ever meet, so did she.
She ran around the world trying to fill that void, to stop the pain of losing what she had after trying so hard, only to find the perfect guy for her (that everyone else could clearly see!) back home almost literally in her own backyard.
This isn't all there is, girl. Not even close!
Just because you can't see your way out, just because you can't see how it's ever going to be different than it is right now from the view you have now, doesn't mean that's the way it's going to be tomorrow, next month or next year!
Hold on, just a little bit longer. Nothing you've seen yet is going to compare to everything wonderful life still has in store for you!
Love,
Jane
How about you? Do you need a dose of inspiration and hope today? Let me know how I can help you in the comments below. What you’ve seen so far isn’t how your story ends either!
This is an inspiring story definitely. For me? Well I don't think that there are any more opportunities out there for me. I have taken a good look at my relationships and have come to accept that I have never found the man that truly loved me for me, not for what I could give him or to take care of him.
I left my husband because of the neediness and lack of interest in me. I reunited briefly with the love of my life, but sadly I never was his. It was a fun fantasy that left me broken hearted for the second time with him.
Friends pushed me into "trying again", so started seeing a man I met online. I never really felt he was the one but he had a lot of similar interests to me. I soon saw the neediness and clinging come out of him. He doubted my feelings and several times would disappear, putting it on me and then coming back again a few days later. He prefers texting, which I don't, texts me several times a day, saying he loves me and can't wait to see me. Recently I noticed his texts became more expletive and when I asked him if something was going on- he's say no. He's sent me texts that were sexual and made me uncomfortable. I asked him not to but he did anyway. Now I realise that he has a drinking problem. I knew that he drinks but could recently see the personality change and the change in the texts.
I told him I had enough and he turned it around saying how horrible he is, I deserve better, on and on. I didn't respond and he continued texting me over and over. Now he is looking for my sympathy, blaming his job, his life- never married and he really has no friends. I am his sole entertainment. I made the decision to end it now which he's not accepted.
So here I am again, alone, ending another relationship with a needy man who was never really there for me. So- I'm pretty sure I'm done. No happy endings for me I'm afraid. I'm getting older and seem to keep attracting these same men. I just can't do it anymore.
I love reading these happy stories because I realise there are men out there who care, who can love, and who can share in their partner's life. It's just not in the plans for me.
Actually, Julia,- and you don't have to do anything at all with this except hear it - when this is your conclusion, when it all comes down to you and only you, this is when I have the most hope for precisely you! ❤
I’m 64 and retired. We’re in a lockdown pandemic. I’m afraid it’s too late for me.
I know and I hear you, Terry, but I'm still going to say that if you're here commenting right now after reading this, it's definitely not too late for you! I've simply seen the opposite happen right here too many times to agree with you!
I think I have something called "Trama bond". The guy I am kind of with took his "other" girlfriend out to dinner Saturday night. I was sad. But he saw me on Valentine's day. Gave me the traditional heart shaped box of candy, flowers and a card. Wow, I was happy. Next day he posts a picture of himself and other girlfriend on his social media page for all to see, now I'm sad again. He never has posted a picture of me.
You might be. But regardless of what label you give it, you can choose whether you want/need to keep living this way. That's your power. You're always choosing, even when it doesn't feel like you have a choice. His other girlfriend gets to choose,why not you? He only has the power when you give it to him, girl! Take it back and give it to the one who keeps giving it away for free. You!
What a wonderful story. The question is “how do you know you’re the right fit, the right people for each other?” I seem to always choose wrong.
Take it slower than you've gone before and dont let the red flags be green lights just because he initially says or does all the right things. You need a minimum of 3 to 4 months before you know if who he shows you he is so far is sustainable and that means slowing it down!