It doesn't matter who he is.
It doesn't matter how much you made him into in your mind.
There's only one question that matters … are you going to let someone incapable of loving you the way you deserve to be loved do this to you?
This waiting around.
This beating yourself up for what always takes two.
This holding on to a fantasy that he was never capable of living up to.
This hanging on to the "what ifs" that have nothing to do with what is.
This going through the motions kind of living where you stay stuck in the past, longing for what could have been if only you had been anyone else but you.
Hasn't it been long enough?
He's either there, or he isn't.
He's either ready or he's not.
He either can or he can't.
None of this is personal.
None of this is about you.
Your worth doesn't change based on what some mere human thinks of you.
He's just a man.
He's just another human being. One person. It doesn't matter if there's more than one. They were all the same.
He's made his choice. Maybe by his words. Or maybe by his actions. But one way or another, whether he's there or not is telling.
Is he there?
I love gray. I live most of my life in the gray places, not in the places of black and white. I see what isn't there. I feel what can't be made so cut and dry.
But if there's one thing I've learned from a heart that's been broken too many times too count, it's that there comes a time when gray isn't enough.
When concrete questions need concrete answers.
When a heart like yours requires a heart like yours.
When a loving, caring, giving, spirit requires an equal, not a fix.
When the world needs you to shine even if you still don't believe you have the right to.
When that heart that can only find its match in you can't wait any longer for you to take your eyes off of this old story so you can see him, too.
I know you have your reasons. And your story. And the way it is you have to settle for.
Keep them, if you insist.
But just for a moment, imagine what it would be like if you left all those reasons, and your story, at the door. Imagine what it would feel like to throw off that weight you've been carrying around with you and give back every single untruth that you've ever allowed to be put on you.
What might you find underneath?
Maybe just a little.
But you know what's even scarier? Living the way you've been living.
Putting all your hopes and dreams and worth on someone who hasn't a clue what they mean to you. Someone who runs as far away as they can as soon as they realize what they mean to you. Living like a shell of yourself in the process.
Make his answer into the one you deserve to have. The one that spells out a clear yes or no.
Don't give all your power away by waiting months, years, decades to finally hear it from him.
You know what that answer is right now. If you can't say it, you can feel it.
Come on out and shine, beautiful.
Step out of that story. Step out of that lie. No matter how deep down it's been buried, there's a part of you that knows the truth.
Irresistible is what you are.
Get out of bed. Get dressed. Get up and get going. It's going to be a beautiful day for the one who can finally see herself this way.
Now answer this one for you, not for me:
Why can't that be you?