Remember back in High School in Phys Ed class where you would stand in line while two of the most popular girls – the captains - picked who would be on their teams?
Pick me, pick me – most of us called out, silently if not out loud.
And then one by one every girl would be picked until the very end when they would divvy up the best of the worst and begrudgingly allow them to be on their teams.
If you were like I was then you were one of the last picked, one of the ones who no one really wanted, but at the end would finally be allowed on.
And even if you weren't the last to be picked, you knew that you never wanted to be and always made sure you were good enough to ensure yourself a spot among those who were picked early on or at least somewhere in the un-noticeable middle area. Either way, the culture of hoping to be chosen all too early on became a huge part of all our reality, even if we didn't call it that.
Not much has changed.
We may not be in high school anymore, but the concept and the culture is still very much the same. Pick me, pick me, we say – usually it’s our silent cry now, but it’s still very much a part of our psyche.
And so it’s no wonder with this memory still fresh in the back of our minds, we still believe we have to be chosen by someone outside of ourselves to be truly accepted in this life.
And that’s why this matters so much.
That’s why we try so hard as if our very life depended on it; because for most of us, it really feels like it does.
And that’s why we take it so personally – because back then, as insecure children, it was that personal. Our classmates were our peers and they were our world for the greater part of our waking hours every single day.
So what they thought of us, and how they treated us, were everything to our growing sense of self-esteem and self-worth. We didn't have the maturity or confidence to know that what they said or did or thought of us didn't matter – that in reality they weren't any better than us even though it felt that way because what we were in was a popularity contest.
We didn't know then that there was a life outside of that culture because that was all we knew and it was all we had.
So it’s of little wonder we've transferred this same culture to our work, to our social life and most of all to ourselves. It’s never left us – it’s such an ingrained part of every single one of us.
Until we can see it for what it really is - a part of our culture and not a part of ourselves unless we choose to make it this way.
We may not have been able to choose a different way or to separate ourselves from the culture when we were children or before we knew any better. But once we know, we are the ones who can take back our own power by deciding whether this is still working for us. We can decide if this type of mindset serves our beautiful selves well, and we can choose what we want to do with it, regardless of how ingrained it is.
This isn't high school anymore.
You’re one doing the choosing here, my beautiful friend. You’re the one who decides whether or not he’s worth your beautiful you based on the reality of who he is and what he has to offer you and not on some potential that only you can see.
Your worth isn't dependent on whether or not someone chooses to be with you or not. You’re the one who’s in control of your own life, even if it doesn't feel like it sometimes.
We change the old mindset when we expose the old lies that have us believing that we’re only something if someone is choosing us by remembering this …
A woman who knows her own worth doesn't need to chase after anyone.
A woman who knows her value doesn't need to make anyone want to be with her.
A woman who knows all that she has to offer won’t buy into anyone else’s lie that she’s not something without someone else.
A woman who understands that she’s the one doing the choosing never has to convince someone of all the reasons he would want to be with her.
And she knows all this to be true.
We might not be able to change our culture, but we can change ourselves and how much we allow our culture to be a part of our lives.
You always were, and continue to be, far more powerful than you even know!